


No Bravery

by ExplodedPen, TheLibranIniquity



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Episode: s01e10-e11 The Storm/The Eye, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-25
Updated: 2007-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExplodedPen/pseuds/ExplodedPen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLibranIniquity/pseuds/TheLibranIniquity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney stumbled during the Genii's brief occupation of Atlantis. Now that they're gone, he's starting to tumble...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the culmination of two weeks work, followed by a years break for sleep. But now we're both in the same place there's no excuse for not finishing it. So hurrah!
> 
> Starts after "The Eye" and goes slightly AU from there. Some dialogue has been lifted from The Storm/The Eye.
> 
> Enjoy :D

It was dark outside. The only light in the small quarters came from quietly glowing panels running along the edges where the walls and ceiling met.

Rodney McKay sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall opposite him. Motionless, the only signs that he was still alive were the sounds of quiet, ragged breathing and that of the fingers of his right hand playing with the bandages wrapped loosely around his left arm. The faint, almost inaudible sound of skin against fabric, eclipsed even by the air creeping in and out of his lungs.

It should have felt like victory – at least, that was how some of the Marines were treating it, once they'd heard about Sheppard's exploits with the grounding stations. Should have felt like victory – the city was still theirs, was still in one piece, and the Genii were gone.

Victory? Rodney couldn't understand that sentiment. Victory implied success, the defeat of an opponent. They... this hadn't been a victory. They'd survived by the skin of their teeth, the odds piled up against them in ways the scientists had been wary of sharing with Weir and Sheppard. Just because they'd beaten those odds...

A piece of something white fell through Rodney's vision, landing noiselessly on the floor. A few seconds later he reached down and picked it up. He turned it over in both hands now. Unable to instantly figure out what it was, it was another slow minute before he understood.

Second-hand blood from his jacket marred the clean white pad in the centre of the bandage.

Rodney turned the bandage over in his hands.

It was his blood.

He fingered the bloodstain again. The smell of stale copper assaulted his nose, and with the smell, the memories came back as well.

_Kolya wielded the serrated knife in front of his face, swinging the blade from side to side, until it filled Rodney's entire vision. And when he spoke, his voice was filled with mocking. "You come here to the City of the Ancestors, yet you are no better than the lowest of my people..."_

_Rodney said nothing, but stood his ground, making sure he kept himself between Elizabeth and the brute._

_"My people tell me that Doctor McKay knows 'almost everything about almost everything'," Kolya continued, quoting Rodney's own words back to him, the ones he'd thrown around at the Genii's underground bunker before. The commander smiled, his lips twisting ferally, and he sliced the knife through the air until it was resting millimetres from Rodney's neck. "Why don't we see just how much you really know?"_

And then, just like that, Rodney was back in his quarters again. The cold sensation lingered against the base of his neck, and hesitantly he raised a hand to trace the line Kolya had hinted at with the knife's blade. Rubbing the imaginary line, he looked back down at the bandage. The bloodstain on it seemed darker now than before, and as Rodney watched, it seemed to echo across his hand and all the way up his left arm, stopping at a point above his elbow.

Slowly, Rodney dragged his jacket off, letting it fall to the bed behind him. Still holding onto the bandage, he awkwardly pulled up the sleeve of his blue shirt to reveal nothing but a seemingly tiny, scabbed wound on his arm, surrounded by patches of dark red where bloody had spilled over and then dried onto the skin.

_Red filled his vision, pain shooting up and down his arm in careless abandon. It was everywhere and nowhere at once. When Rodney could see again, it was to see Kolya pulling the knife away from him; passing it from hand to hand._

_"You have one more chance to answer my question, Doctor McKay," he said, almost calmly, ignoring Elizabeth's cries of protest from the restraint of another Genii soldier. "What plan do you have to save Atlantis from the storm?"_

_As he spoke, Kolya pointed the knife back up towards Rodney's throat. This time there was no mistaking the look in the man's eyes._

_Rodney closed his eyes, willing the pain to go away. At the same time, he opened his mouth to speak..._

Rodney opened his eyes, adjusting again to the dim lighting in the room. He was still holding the bloodstained bandage in his left hand, still toying with the dirtied material. Following the trail of imaginary blood back up his arm, he realised his other hand was playing with the scab above his elbow. The fingernail of his index finger running back and forth over the mound of dried skin and blood. On each return journey it made, the nail caught on something between the wound and the skin around it.

The scab was starting to lift; without realising it Rodney had already picked one corner off.

It was all starting to come apart, and the quiet scratching noise of fingernail against dried blood added to the silent orchestra taking place in Rodney McKay's darkened quarters.

Rodney pushed at the lifted corner, moving backwards and forwards, this way and that, feeling it slowly but surely pulling away from the skin underneath. Tiny spots of fresh blood marked his progress on the raw-again skin. It should have hurt, Rodney noted; he should have felt something, but he didn't.

_He should have felt something, but he didn't. Rodney stood there, numb, watching Kolya raise the alien technology to his mouth, pressing the marked button at the same time. "This is Commander Kolya," he said, looking from Rodney to Elizabeth – who had been released by her guard now – and back to Rodney again._

_Rodney lowered his gaze and closed his eyes briefly. A moment later Sheppard's voice floated out across the control room. "Kolya – that's a hard name to pronounce. Is that a first name? My name's Major John Sheppard, and I have hidden the C4 where you will never – I repeat, never – find it. When I get confirmation that the prisoners have been released and allowed to 'gate off Atlantis, I will help you find it."_

_Kolya paused for a moment and turned to Elizabeth and Rodney. "He's good," the commander said, sounding more... appeased than surprised._

_"He is," Elizabeth replied, raising her chin. "I'd do what he says."_

_Kolya smirked before turning his attention back to the radio. "Your offer is very generous, Major," he told Sheppard._

_"Yes, it is," Sheppard's disembodied voice replied._

_Kolya shot a triumphant look at Rodney, who closed his eyes again, trying to fight the panic building up inside him. "However," Kolya continued, silkily, into the radio, "Doctor McKay recently shared with me there's a plan in action to save the city."_

_Rodney closed his eyes even tighter, while the nausea inside him continued to build._

_"He did?" Sheppard sounded incredulous, disbelieving._

_And the pit inside Rodney grew._

The sound of tearing brought Rodney back to the dimly lit present. He stared at his right hand. Right there, caught in his fingernail and trailing down the finger as well, was the scab from his arm. Torn clean off the wound on his arm.

In a sudden crescendo of furious emotion Rodney dragged the bandage over his hand, trying to pull the scab away from the fingernail. He let out a hiss as one of his fingers was pushed backwards, hating himself as it echoed briefly in the quarters. But a second later it stopped, and Rodney's attention was drawn back to the freshly opened mark on his arm.

He felt a strange sense of detachment as a small trail of blood slipped down out of the wound, sliding down his arm towards the elbow again. When it reached the joint it dripped off, splattering onto the floor.

Small drips, from the elbow to the floor, elbow to the floor.

And Rodney could only watch it fall.

Victory implied success, the defeat of an opponent. With Atlantis safe and the Genii gone, it should have felt like victory, but Rodney McKay could only sit alone in the darkness of his quarters and watch the blood of a coward's betrayal fall to the floor.


	2. One

Two days after the final confrontation with Kolya in the control room, Elizabeth was still trying to deal with the fallout of the Genii's attempt to take Atlantis. She'd had report after report from Beckett and the medical team, detailing exactly what Kolya's men had managed to take with them from the infirmary stocks before the Stargate had deactivated, and there was still no word from Rodney and the other scientists as to when parts of the city would be completely free from the electrical charge that had powered up the shields.

A knock at the office door pulled Elizabeth out of her thoughts. She looked up and smiled. "Rodney. How are things going?"

The smile quickly disappeared as Rodney entered, shutting the door behind him. The man standing in front of her looked tired and haggard, and involuntarily Elizabeth found herself glancing quickly to the knife wound on his arm, hidden underneath layers of t-shirt and jacket.

"Have you been to see -" she began.

Rodney cut her off quickly. "Elizabeth, I need to talk to you."

God, he didn't even sound right.

Elizabeth quickly got up from behind the desk, and walked over to where Rodney was still standing stiffly. She touched him lightly on his uninjured arm. He jerked away from the contact, staring down at the floor.

"Rodney?" Elizabeth asked, genuinely concerned now.

He didn't look up from his analysis of the floor. "I want to be taken off the team."

Elizabeth stared at him in confusion. Frowning, she tried to reach out for him again. "Have you talked to Major Sheppard about it?" she asked him, trying to make eye contact but failing. "I... is this about what happened with the -"

"I just want off the team!" he snapped, finally looking up, and Elizabeth was compelled to step backwards. There were lines around Rodney's eyes that hadn't been there before the storm, and something in his eyes that she'd never seen there before. "Look," he continued, calming down, though not by much, "I've been thinking about it, and... I want to be taken off Major Sheppard's team."

Elizabeth continued staring at him. After the initial outburst, Rodney's voice had calmed down so much he could have been asking for an extra few hours to examine another section of the city, or delivering a morning status report. Not... not this.

In front of her, Rodney sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Suddenly he just seemed tired and haggard again. "I just want out, Elizabeth," he said quietly, pleading now.

"Want out of what?"

Rodney jerked around as if he were on fire, panic flaring briefly in his eyes as he realised who was behind him. Elizabeth, catching the reaction, looked over Rodney's shoulder at the newcomer.

"Elizabeth," John Sheppard nodded, stepping clear inside the office. "McKay," he added as an afterthought.

John's gaze flickered between the two as he took in the lack of response to his greetings. "Uh... is this a bad time?" he asked finally, speaking to nobody in particular.

There was another short spell of silence before Rodney looked back at John, staring almost defiantly at him. "You need to find yourself another scientist, Major," he said shortly. "I'm off the team."

And with that he brushed past John and stalked out of the office.

Elizabeth took a deep breath in as John turned on her. "Doctor Weir?" he began, all pleasantries gone now. "Care to tell me what the hell just happened?"

"I – I'm as surprised as you are," Elizabeth replied, watching Rodney's retreating form turn a corner and vanish out of sight beyond the main staircase. "He came in a few minutes ago and more-or-less announced that he wanted to be taken off your team."

"Wait a sec." John seemed confused now. "McKay said that?"

Elizabeth just nodded. Then, "He didn't seem... himself when he came in here," she said.

John pulled a face. "Take a look around, Doctor," he told her, gesturing outside to the Stargate and the personnel on duty in the control room. "None of us have been ourselves since the storm."

"I'm not the one you need to be telling that to," Elizabeth said quietly. "If Rodney wants to be taken off the team, then there's nothing I can do but make sure that happens."

"You're kidding me." John looked disbelieving.

"I'm sorry, Major," Elizabeth replied, clasping her hands behind her back. "It's standard operating procedure. Go talk to him," she added, her voice a little bit softer. "Figure out what's gone into this decision."

John didn't need to be told twice. He'd turned one-eighty, and was halfway down the corridor connecting the office to the control room before Elizabeth had time to blink.

She watched him turn the same corner Rodney had, though at a much faster speed, and was considering whether or not to radio the infirmary about Rodney's arm wound when there was another knock at her door.

Jerking herself out of her thoughts, Elizabeth forced herself to smile. "Doctor Grodin, what is it?"

Peter smiled, and stepped into the office. "The latest reports from Sergeant Bates about the flooded sections of the city," he said, holding out a PC tablet to her.

Elizabeth took them and sat back down behind her desk, motioning for Peter to take one of the other chairs.

_o o o o o_

John came to stop outside one of the transporters. McKay had managed to get away from him, despite the minute or so he had ahead of the major, and it irked.

There was a wall-based computer panel just beyond the transporter, and John walked over to stand in front of it. Instantly a map of Atlantis appeared, with various dots to represent the human inhabitants. There was no way of distinguishing between any of them – well, none that John had figured out yet, anyway.

John stared at the dots for a moment, and tried to recall the exact expression on McKay's face back in Elizabeth's office. "What would McKay do?" he asked the panel quietly. A second later he realized he'd asked himself the same question during the Genii's attack, and he smirked for a second.

Another second later, and the answer came to him.

Another second after that, and John was inside the transporter, on his way to the scientists' laboratories.

o o o o o

Down in Laboratory One, Radek Zelenka watched as Doctor McKay barrelled through the door, looking out of breath.

Eyes raised to what passed for heaven in the Pegasus Galaxy, Radek counted to five and waited for the explosion which he knew was the only thing that could follow the entrance anywhere of an out of breath Rodney McKay.

However... the explosion did not come. It did not come, and Radek could only watch in wonderment as McKay gave a cursory glare to Simpson and Kavanagh in the far corner before sliding down behind his own desk; he opened his laptop and quietly waited for it to boot.

There was maybe a full minute of silence, which was enough time for Radek to begin formulate theories as to why Atlantis' Chief Scientist was behaving so... oddly... before the laboratory door burst open again, this time revealing Major Sheppard. He was considerably less short of breath than McKay had been, but appeared to be in the same kind of mood as the scientist.

Sheppard made a beeline for McKay's desk, and leaned in over his laptop, hands splayed either side of the computer, leaning right in until his and McKay's heads were almost touching.

"I'm busy, Major," McKay ground out, just loud enough for Radek and the other scientists to hear. "What do you want?"

Sheppard's reaction was unreadable from this end of the lab, but Radek was aware of a two-way conversation between the two of them, much quieter after that initial outburst.

"Look!" Rodney shouted – making everybody in the lab jerk up from what they were doing. "If you want a scientist so badly, go ask Zelenka. God knows he needs the experience!"

As Sheppard twisted around to look at him, Radek blinked rapidly and tried to say something – anything – but he had barely opened his mouth when McKay continued. "In fact, I think that's a great idea. Congratulations, Doctor Zelenka, you're on Major Sheppard's team. Have fun and try not to die," he added, shutting down his laptop at the same time. He glanced first to the major, then to Radek, then back to Sheppard again. "Now if you'll excuse me, Major, I have to go. Places to be, cities to fix."

"Hey!" Sheppard shouted, grabbing onto the laptop to stop McKay leaving. "It's my team, McKay, and I am not accepting this until you give me a damn good reason why I should let you go!"

McKay shook Sheppard off, glaring at him. "It doesn't take a genius to work it out, Major," he retorted coldly before making for the door. He didn't say anything more.

"McKay!" Sheppard let out a frustrated grunt as his radio beeped. "What?" he snarled into the mouthpiece. "Can't it wait?... Fine, I'll be right there." He stalked out of the laboratory, and turned one way down the corridor. "This isn't over, McKay!" he shouted before turning the other way and disappearing out of Radek's line of sight.

A second later the lab door closed, and Radek was suddenly very aware that he was the centre of the other scientists' attention, and it made him strangely uneasy. In the far corner, Kavanagh said something to Simpson, all the while staring over at Radek, and smirked one more time before settling back down to the project he'd been working on before McKay and Sheppard had come in.

Radek stayed standing for a few moments longer. The mystery of McKay's initial odd behaviour had only been intensified after the encounter with Major Sheppard, and now it seemed as though Radek himself was to be caught in the middle of it – whatever it was.

And he had a growing suspicion that he did not want to find out.


	3. Two

"Beckett to Doctor McKay."

"What is it, Carson?" Rodney asked, pulling himself away from the malfunctioning computer panel by the training room door.

Even through the radio connection, Carson sounded concerned. "You still haven't been in to see me about the arm."

"The arm?" Rodney repeated, looking down at both of his. "What about the arm?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Rodney," Carson chided. "If you don't come to see me about it so I can make sure everything's okay then I'll have no choice but to suspend you from the team until it is sorted."

"No point," Rodney replied absently, already immersed in the Ancient circuitry again. "I'm not going off-world anymore."

"Not going off... Rodney, what are you talking a-"

Rodney cut the connection and stared at the circuitry some more. He'd just figured out what the problem was, and rooted around in his toolkit, looking for one of the wire cutters to get at one of the crystals. Thirty seconds of tweaking and prodding later, and Rodney was finally able to start rectifying the problem.

The problem being that this wasn't some random malfunction in ten thousand year old equipment. This looked more like damage caused by an impact. Something solid, and moving at relatively high speed had crashed into the panel and caused the damage...

So why had Rodney been told it was just a malfunction?

Either way, it was the work of less than ten minutes to fix the problem. Closing up the computer panel, Rodney rubbed his arm, almost absent-mindedly. Maybe he ought to go see Carson about it after all; he'd had a look at the scabbed skin again last night, and it hadn't looked so hot.

Hmm. Coffee first, then voodoo.

Rodney stashed the toolkit in one of the empty science labs on the long way over to the commissary, and once there went straight for the hatch where the coffeepots were. Pouring himself a rather generous mug, Rodney paid little attention to anyone else in there until...

"I still can't believe you broke the damn thing, Doc!"

Rodney recognised Ford's voice immediately, along with the perpetually jokey tone the young Marine seemed to have. His head snapped up, and he turned around, his gaze landing on the table in one corner, where Ford, Teyla and Radek were sitting.

"Is true; my shoulder will never be same again," Radek replied, massaging his right shoulder with an apparently wounded look in Ford's direction.

Ford grinned at Teyla. "You didn't have to push him that hard, did you?"

Rodney didn't stay around to hear Teyla's reply, grabbing his mug of coffee and leaving the commissary before any of them saw him.

When he got back to his lab he found a nurse waiting for him. "What do you want?" he snapped, pushing past her to get to his desk.

She looked at him disapprovingly as he gulped coffee and booted up the laptop. "Doctor Beckett sent me. He wants to see you."

Rodney waved her off. "Tell him I'm busy," he muttered, entering his password into the start-up screen.

"He said now."

Well, Rodney had to hand it to her; the woman had guts. But he had coffee and a building temper.

"I'm sorry," he began, staring up at her from his chair, "but what part of 'I'm busy' didn't you understand the first time around? Now be a nice girlie and toddle back off to the infirmary before I find something to disassemble your DNA with."

The nurse was speechless as she stared at him; taking advantage of her momentary shock, Rodney grabbed her by both shoulders and manoeuvred her out into the hallway, closing and locking the lab door behind him on the way back in.

Rodney pulled his laptop open in a harsh movement. A second later, staring at a squeaky monitor, he realised he'd been irritated at how easily Zelenka had been interacting with Ford and Teyla. He had to remind himself they weren't his team-mates anymore, not like that, anyway. Of course, interaction like that was only to be expected, after all. Rodney had been the one to suggest the Czech as his replacement, he just hadn't figured on Sheppard and the others giving up on him so quickly, though. "It was what I wanted," he insisted quietly, watching as lists of equations finally scrolled down the screen in front of him.

Still... Sheppard could at least have put up a little more of a fight... right?

Rodney shook his head, took another swig of coffee and stared back at the computer screen, letting himself be drawn back under by the rows of formulae. Within minutes he was so absorbed he didn't notice when the laboratory door opened and someone came in none too quietly.

He looked up as a shadow loomed over his desk. "Ah, so where the minion failed, in comes the tribal overlord," he muttered. "What do you want, Carson?"

Carson barely blinked at the insult. "Let's just say there's a strongly masochistic streak in me that demands I examine your arm before it drops off, Rodney."

Rodney's eyes widened. "It's not that bad!" he replied defensively.

"Ah, so you're admitting there's somethin' wrong with it after all?" Carson queried, raising his eyebrows.

"Of course there's something wrong, there's a hole in my arm!" Rodney snapped back.

Carson's expression softened a little from annoyed. "Let me take a look," he said.

"Fine." Rodney held out the appendage in question, his attention already turning back to the laptop.

There was an audible sigh as Carson awkwardly rolled up the sleeve of Rodney's shirt past his elbow. Rodney couldn't prevent the hiss escaping as the material was forced over the wound. There was a moment of silence, Carson twisting the arm this way and that to get a better look at the injury. "Have you been pickin' at this?" he asked sharply.

Rodney didn't look up. "If I say no, will you go away?" he asked caustically. "Bottom line, is it going to kill me in my sleep?"

"Doubtful, but it might drop off when you're least expectin' it ta," Carson replied without missing a beat, and there was a grim look of satisfaction on his face when a brief flare of panic shot through Rodney. "Come on," he added, softer now, "let's get you to the infirmary, and I'll clean this up, dress it properly and then you can be on your way."

"Okay." Rodney found himself nodding. A second later, Carson had him by the uninjured arm, and was gently leading him out of the lab and in the direction of the infirmary.

Once there, Carson sat him down on one of the beds, and brought over a trolley containing a first aid kit and some chemical-looking stuff in a bottle. He opened the kit, and brought out some cotton pads; soaking one of them in the liquid, he motioned for Rodney to lift his shirtsleeve again.

Rodney winced at the initial contact against the wound, and tried to pull away, but Carson's grip on his lower arm was like steel. Almost as soon as it has started the stinging subsided, and Rodney watched with growing disinterest as Carson wiped away the dirt that had accumulated around the dried blood, and then, with another quick trip into the first aid kit, began to apply lint and surgical tape. "So... why did you leave it so long to let me have a look at this?" Carson's tone was curious more than it was admonishing.

Rodney shook his head. "Don't know," he muttered. Well, it was almost the truth.

Carson looked entirely unconvinced. "Could I have something more than the Reader's Digest version?" he asked.

"I really don't know?" Rodney replied sarcastically. "Are you done yet?"

"Just a second." Carson sounded resigned, applying another strip of surgical tape over the lint and snipping the end off just above Rodney's elbow. "There. All done now."

When Rodney didn't immediately jump down from the bed and take the quickest route of there, the look of uncertainty on Carson's face grew. "Rodney?"

"Carson?"

"Somethin' botherin' you?"

"Really, Carson." Rodney didn't meet his eyes. "What on earth would give you that idea?"

Carson didn't look impressed. "How much time have you got?"

Rodney's head jerked up. "Oh great. Pick on the scientist with too much work on his hands, and not enough..." he trailed off under his friend's stare. "I don't want to talk about it," he offered lamely.

"Is it about bein' taken off the team?" Carson asked quietly.

"I wasn't taken off the team!" Rodney retorted. "I chose to leave the team. Leaving the team was entirely my decision. Are you going to try and play Spanish Inquisition with me, or can I go now? I've got work to be doing, as you may recall."

Carson nodded slowly. "Aye, but just remember what my degree's in, Rodney," he replied, sounding good-natured enough. "I can make the Spanish Inquisition seem like nothin' more than a clipboard survey."

"I thought that was my job," Rodney smirked back, jumping off the bed. He was stopped from going any further by Carson's hand on his arm.

"I'm bein' serious, Rodney," he told him. "Anythin' botherin' you, come talk to me, okay?"

"Sure, fine. Tell you what, I'll get one of those sappy, crappy romance films off Simpson, and we can gush over that as well," Rodney snapped back. He shook off Carson's arm and left the infirmary.

o o o o o

The next morning, and just three days after walking into Elizabeth's office, Rodney found himself sitting in his lab, staring into his third cup of coffee and wondering why he had the strangest feeling that he'd forgotten to do something, or be somewhere.

The feeling was further compounded when Zelenka came walking in, making a beeline directly for Rodney's workspace. The Czech looked guilty as he got closer, although Rodney couldn't for the life of him work out why that would be. There hadn't been any pointless explosions that Rodney hadn't yelled about, nor was Zelenka grossly incompetent. So... why?

"I have report from morning briefing."

Rodney blinked. Ah. So that would be why. Both the guilty look, and his own uneasiness.

He settled for an outward look of annoyance. "Yes? What about it?"

Zelenka hesitated, and handed over his tablet PC. "Major Sheppard has listed repairs to Puddlejumper that must be rectified, and – Doctor Weir is expecting more detailed department report from you when possible."

Rodney nodded. "Anything else?"

Zelenka shuffled ever so slightly. Rodney frowned. "Well? Is there?"

"Is not official business," Zelenka said so quietly Rodney almost didn't hear it.

He cocked his head to one side. "And yet you're bringing it up." He shook his head. "Tell me."

Zelenka sighed and stared down at the floor. "Major Sheppard did not ask where you were."

Rodney tried not to snort. "Well, that's to be expected, since I quit the weekly field trips."

Zelenka pushed his glasses back up his nose. "You are still head of department," he reminded Rodney as firmly as he dared. "You should have been there."

Rodney blinked and waved his hand at the Ancient circuitry lying spread along his worktable. "Strangely enough, I was working. Odd concept for some to grasp, I know, but hey."

When, after half a minute of silence, Zelenka was still standing there, Rodney sighed. "Anything else?" he asked again.

"No," Zelenka replied quietly. "Nothing else." And with that he shuffled away.

"Liar," Rodney muttered to Zelenka's retreating back. He picked up the tablet PC and started reading the notes from the morning briefing, staring at the words, though taking none of it in.

Sheppard hadn't looked for him after the confrontation in the laboratory three days ago.

Sheppard hadn't asked after him.

Sheppard didn't care.

"Neither do I," Rodney said out loud, but by that point there was nobody around to hear him.


	4. Three

Sometime closer to Atlantean midday, Rodney decided he wouldn't be able to work any more without something in his stomach, and thus headed to the messhall, empty coffee cup in tow. The place was almost empty when he got there, aside from a couple of Marines, and Rodney took his tray of food and caffeine past them to one of the tables in the far corner.

Halfway into something that looked like a ham sandwich but in reality could have been just about anything, the noise of – people – approaching made Rodney look up. A couple of seconds later Teyla and Lieutenant Ford rounded the corner into the mess, followed almost immediately by Sheppard. All three of them looked to be in conversation – and a loud one at that.

Rodney almost smiled, as he was able to start picking out what they were saying. But it faded as they walked right past him, apparently too busy talking to each other to even notice he was there. And it was Rodney's own fierce pride that prevented him from saying anything – they weren't his team anymore, after all; they were none of his concern.

And – of course he wasn't staring morosely at his almost-ham sandwich, listening to them talk and wishing he was a part of it. Nope, he wasn't doing anything of the sort.

Just like he wasn't regretting going into Elizabeth's office that morning and telling her he was quitting the team. It was just... Rodney still couldn't understand why Sheppard had reacted the way he had when he'd first heard the news – except that the major's behaviour now made a lot more sense. He'd been avoiding Rodney, because – because...

 _Because he's realised what a little coward you really are, McKay,_ a little voice whispered to him, sending a shiver down Rodney's spine. _They look better off without you, don't they?_

 _Hardly surprising, though, is it?_ the voice continued. _They've got Zippy on side now, and he's a lot less likely to get them all killed than you are._

And that was the point of the whole exercise. It was a simple enough formula, and God knew Rodney McKay was good enough at constructing one of those. The variables were nice and clear cut as well.

Variable one: the Genii. Impudent little bastards, thinking they could just walk in and hijack Atlantis like that.

Variable two: Rodney himself. Sure, he could fire a gun at the enemy, was at least as proficient with a firearm on a shooting range as half the soldiers in the city, but place him in a one-on-one situation with a cross-section of the first variable, and that's where the element for uncertain outcome came into the equation.

Uncertain outcome, also known as variable three: reaction to fear.

Variable one had interacted with variable two, and produced the outcome also known as variable three. The Genii had threatened Rodney, and in a superb act of cowardice he had...

Well.

He'd endangered the plan to save Atlantis, and by proxy the lives of the entire expedition – no city meant all two hundred or so of them became complete refugees in the Pegasus Galaxy. He'd endangered Sheppard, with a mob of Genii on the hunt for him.

Dammit – he'd nearly gotten everyone _killed_!

And for what? He'd given up their plan to stop a knife slicing into his arm. One knife wound against the lives of the entire Atlantis expedition. It wasn't worth even thinking about a basis for comparison there – there was none.

And Sheppard had finally got his head around that fact. Well, good for him. And Teyla, and Ford and...

Rodney looked up again.

He was alone in the mess.

o o o o o

Later on that afternoon, Rodney had checked and double-checked the list of repairs that his department had been requested to carry out in Atlantis. Almost on a whim he'd sent Kavanagh, along with backup, to investigate apparent leakages in the air filtration systems down by the east pier, and another little delegation of scientists had been given the Puddlejumper assignment.

As for Rodney himself? Well, he was on his way back to the training room, to double check on the repairs to the computer panel. Normally he wouldn't have lowered himself to such demeaning and dull work, but right now Rodney didn't have to think too hard. Besides, he was head of department. It wasn't like anybody was going to argue with how he'd handed out the day's assignments. But if there was any other motive behind him taking the computer panel, then Rodney was so far managing to keep a secret even from himself.

And as was to be expected for anything done by Doctor McKay, the repaired computer panel was in remarkably good condition, and running exactly as it should have been. Still, just to be on the safe side – and so that he could be honest when it came to annotating the subsequent report back to Elizabeth – Rodney started scanning the circuitry.

"Doctor McKay?"

Rodney jumped, nearly breaking the scanner against the wall in a hurried effort to prevent himself from falling. He turned around. "...Teyla."

Teyla inclined her head gracefully. "I did not intend to startle you," she offered apologetically.

Rodney blinked. "What? No. You didn't – I..." he trailed off in a pit of his own lameness.

Smiling, Teyla replied, "I wished to apologise to you for the damage caused to the computer panel. I know how valuable your time and expertise is here to the other members of your expedition."

 _'To the other members of your expedition_ '. Rodney inwardly winced at the phrasing. Looked like Sheppard wasn't the only one finding it easy dealing with life after McKay.

He paused for a moment. Normally, right about now he'd be making some smartass remark about having the time to do monkey work because he'd sent the monkeys where they wouldn't annoy him, but this time... something wasn't right, something was out of place.

Teyla was no longer his team mate, not in the strict sense the term had had before... before.

Rodney hesitated for one moment too long; Teyla smiled benignly at him, obviously waiting for something. He wracked his brain, trying desperately to find something to say.

"It's... no problem," he said lamely. "I was in the neighbourhood."

Briefly he wondered what had happened to his IQ – he sounded like Sheppard on a good day. Not a comforting thought.

If Teyla had noticed the massive – but momentary! – drop in his IQ, she didn't say anything, instead moving to one of the benches, where her sticks were propped up. Rodney blinked and refocused his attention on the scanner. The computer panel was fine, just like he had known it would be.

He gathered up the rest of his equipment, and made straight for door as quickly as he could, only to barge straight into Sheppard with five metres to go before the exit. Sheppard stared at him, then over to Teyla, then back to Rodney again.

"I was... I was just checking the panel," he said hurriedly, disgusted with himself at his defensive tone. "It was broken."

"I noticed."

Rodney stared at the major for a moment before pushing past him and out into the corridor. He didn't look behind him, instead hugging his equipment to his chest like a security blanket as he made his way back to the lab.

o o o o o

Even later on that same afternoon – though really it was getting into evening now – Rodney was lying flat on his back, legs spread for support and balance. He was squinting from effort and concentration, and annoyingly enough his left foot kept tapping one of Beethoven's symphonies.

He wasn't getting anywhere fast, though – the innards of the control room's main console stared back down him, denying Doctor McKay the results he wanted.

Beyond his feet, Rodney could just make out Grodin's boots, tapping a pattern of their own as he worked the dialling console. Somewhere up and to the left of him, he knew Elizabeth was watching over proceedings as she usually did, slightly detached from actual events but still in charge nevertheless.

Rodney reached up and tweaked a couple of the crystals slotted in horizontally to the console's backup circuits – a quick check on his scanner, wedged precariously inbetween his thighs, proved it had done what it was supposed to...

"Are you nearly done, Rodney?" It was Elizabeth.

Rodney twisted his neck to the left, where he spotted Elizabeth's boots, one of them tapping idly. "I'll be done in a sec," he called out, immediately returning to his work.

"Thank you," Elizabeth said. "It's just we've got an off-world mission scheduled to leave soon."

"Yeah, sure." Rodney was no longer paying attention, lost again in the Ancient machinery.

A minute or so later a new voice broke into Rodney's thought processes. "Hey, Elizabeth. We're about ready to go. Or at least, we will be once Ford catches up."

It was Sheppard.

"Yes... where did you say he was?"

And that was Teyla.

"He said something about turkey sandwich for natives."

And that...

Rodney blinked for a moment. He forced himself to pay attention to what he was doing. One wrong move, and the clean up could take weeks.

"I'm here, I'm here!"

Ford, one part of Rodney noted.

"Doctor Grodin, dial the planet," Elizabeth said.

A minute later, Rodney craned his neck to the right in just enough time to watch the Stargate's wormhole establish. A few seconds after that four people emerged into the centre of the main room, just in front of the wormhole.

It didn't bother Rodney in the slightest that where he used to stand, in between Ford and Sheppard when they didn't take the 'Jumper off-world, was Zelenka.

And he didn't feel any sense of sadness or longing when Sheppard, Zelenka, Ford and Teyla walked through the wormhole in unison.

And he certainly didn't feel empty inside when the wormhole disestablished, having taken the new team to wherever their destination was.

No... the world was getting on quite nicely without him on the front line, and Rodney didn't feel anything about that at all.


	5. Four

In Atlantis' infirmary, John Sheppard bounced on the balls of his feet, before sitting back on the bed again. It had been four hours since he and his team had returned, but the doctors were seemingly no closer to finishing their exams of Ford and Zelenka. Okay, so at the time it had been funny watching the two of them fall into sticky, bright pink tree sap, but this side of the Stargate some of the humour was starting to wear off.

It had even gotten into their hair, hence the extended exam. Beckett had already told John privately that if the material was toxic, then Ford and Zelenka would have started to show some signs of contamination, but that hadn't happened yet.

The problem was getting it out.

Teyla had begged out of remaining in the infirmary after the two-hour mark, citing something about a meeting with Weir on her way out of the door. It was John's own position as team leader that forced him to sit it out on the bed opposite to where Beckett and co. were still trying to determine the composition of the sap. Well, the responsibility thing, as well as the fact it had been Zelenka's first off-world mission, and John was kind of hoping that the Czech wouldn't start to think that every excursion outside Atlantis resulted in a long stay in the infirmary after.

"You know Major," Beckett said, surprising John. "I think we'll be finished with these two inside the next half hour. Why don't you go get yourself something to eat before you collapse?"

John's head shot up immediately. "You sure, Doc?" he asked.

Still tending to the tree sap on Ford's arm, Beckett nodded. "I'm fairly sure these two won't have any more accidents with trees," he smiled.

Sitting side by side on the same bed, Ford blinked while Zelenka smiled sheepishly at John.

"Okay," he decided, already on his way to the door. "Let me know when they've been released."

"Aye," Beckett answered absently, still poking Ford's arm.

Out in the corridor, John came to a stop. On the one hand, the doc had a point – he was hungry. On the other hand, however, as far as Major Sheppard was concerned there were still a few loose ends to tie up regarding McKay. One shouting match in the laboratory did not an explanation make.

Now John had taken McKay's replacement on what was, for all intents and purposes, an all-round satisfying induction to the world of field missions, and John also figured that enough time had now passed for a rational, adult conversation about the events leading up to the changeover of scientists on the team.

Half a corridor away from the labs, John stopped. Rational and adult conversation? Who was he kidding – this was McKay he was on about, after all.

He carried on regardless, and the door to the laboratory opened automatically as he got closer. John strode inside, and came face to face with...

Nothing. There was nobody sitting at McKay's desk. There wasn't even anybody else in the lab at all. And except for the untidy pile of power bar wrappers next to a powered-down laptop, no sign that anybody had been in here in the last twenty-four hours or so.

John ran a hand through his hair, wondering what to do next.

He considered checking the mess hall, but the pile of power bar wrappers in front of him suggested McKay would probably consider himself nourished enough. The next possibility was the scientist's quarters, but then again it was the equivalent of early evening, or so John had been told, and it was unusual for McKay to be in his quarters even when most people would be dead on their feet, so that was a no-no.

In the end, John found himself heading to the control room. Noting the relative emptiness of Weir's office, he let himself in. "Good afternoon."

"Evening, John," Weir replied with a slight smile.

John accepted the subtle correction. "To my credit, it was the middle of the night when we left Planet Pink."

Weir cocked her head slightly. "Ford?"

"Oh yeah," John grinned.

"Teyla debriefed me on the mission," Weir began. "How's Doctor Zelenka?"

"He's just fine. In fact, I think he positively enjoyed himself out there," John answered. "If you're looking for my professional opinion, I think he'll make a perfectly competent addition to the team."

"Just competent?" Weir looked amused. "I was under the impression Teyla approved of his abilities."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Zelenka's a great guy, but that's really not what I came to talk to you about." John crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you know where McKay is?"

Now Weir looked puzzled. "I assumed he's been in the laboratory all day, finishing up one or other of his projects."

John shook his head. "Nope, not there. He's been there recently, but not anymore."

Weir frowned. "Have you tried the messhall or his quarters? I haven't seen him for the last couple of days, so I couldn't tell you his schedule for the day."

"Those places had crossed my mind," John admitted. "You know what, I think I'll go see if he's at home. Thanks for your help." And with that he left without giving Weir a chance to reply.

As soon as he was out of sight and earshot of the personnel in the control room, John barrelled through the corridors of Atlantis, giving off clear signals to anybody who happened to be in his way that since he had no intention of being diverted from his current objective, there was no point in trying to do so.

It was times like this, being career military came in extraordinarily handy.

Within a matter of minutes John had reached the section of the city where the personnel quarters were. Another couple of turns, and he was standing outside Rodney McKay's door.

John raised his hand, but paused. He could knock and alert McKay to his presence, but that could also give McKay the chance to ignore him. On the other hand, he could just use his ATA gene and go straight in without warning, which wouldn't allow for the chance of being ignored, but at the same time it could mean John seeing McKay doing something very private – which was a distinct possibility seeing as the scientist was nowhere near the laboratories.

And John's hand was still poised to knock. He held it there for a second before moving.

"Sheppard to McKay."

His radio crackled for a moment before lapsing back into silence. There was no reply.

John fingered the radio, switching the channels around. "Doctor McKay?"

Again there was nothing.

John sighed. "You made me do this, McKay," he told McKay's door. He concentrated, and a second later the door slide aside. He stepped through.

"Major! Didn't your mother ever teach you to knock before entering somebody's private quarters?"

John blinked. So McKay was home, then.

"I mean honestly, it's one thing coming in and out of my laboratory like you belong there, but this is my space, and the principles of it are so simple to understand, even for a military grunt like you!"

John waited for him to finish. When it was clear that yes, McKay had run out of indignant steam, he cocked his head to one side. "Evening, McKay."

McKay stayed where he was, next to the bed, and crossed his arms over his chest, staring defiantly at John. There was a wonderfully awkward moment of silence, and John cleared his throat. "So..." he trailed off.

McKay sighed. "What do you want, Major?" he asked. "Broken another training room computer panel?"

He sounded tired... and something else that John couldn't put a name to. "You're a very difficult man to track down you know," he replied.

He got another glare. "Well, I'm obviously doing something right," McKay muttered. "And again, what are you doing here? _Private_ quarters, remember?"

"Strange as it may sound, McKay," John replied, leaning against the nearest wall, "I was looking for you."

McKay blinked. "What?" he asked. "...Why?"

John mentally sighed. He'd known this wasn't going to be easy, but still... "We still need to talk," he said bluntly.

"We've got nothing to talk about, Major."

John tried not to wince.

"How's Zelenka?"

The question threw John briefly, but he quickly recovered. "Pink," he replied.

There was another pause, more satisfying this time. "Pink?" McKay eventually repeated.

"Yeah," John drawled, folding his own arms over his chest. "Him and Ford."

"Oh," McKay replied, obviously disinterested now.

John noted the reaction, and filed it away for further examination at a later date. "Okay, since you've made it obvious you don't want me here, at least do one thing for me?"

"And what would that be?" McKay demanded, oozing sarcasm now.

"Tell me why you quit the team, and went over my head to do it."

"That's two things," McKay replied smugly.

"Just tell me why!"

"I don't have to tell you anything," McKay replied, still irritatingly smug. "Civilian, remember? I report to Elizabeth. You're not my commanding officer."

Okay, that was just plain mean. Abandoning his pose against the wall, John marched straight into McKay's personal space. "Humour the dumb grunt, then," he said quietly, gratified to notice McKay's breathing getting shriller. "Why leave the team?"

McKay glanced briefly at his arm – something John noticed – before jutting out his chin and staring John in the eyes again. "I'm better served here on Atlantis, alive and in one piece. Surely even you can understand the need to prioritise."

Two could play at this game. "Sure I can," John replied slowly. "My priority; find a ZPM for the city, and the means for actual defence against the Wraith. And my best means of achieving that is having you on my team. Genius, remember?" he finished, throwing possibly McKay's most often said phrase back in said scientist's face.

McKay just stared at him and it was only then that John realised what the other expression on his face was, besides the open defiance.

It was incredulity.

McKay drew in a sharp breath, and stepped towards John, closing what little distance remained between the two of them. "And in case you'd failed to notice over the last few months, Major," he began quietly though harshly, "I'm an extremely arrogant man who thinks that all of his plans are going to work. You don't need someone like that out in the field."

John stared at him, dumbfounded, but not for long. "I'm the one to say who I need in the field, McKay, not you," he replied carefully, "because last time I checked, I was team leader, not you."

McKay's retort, when it came, was quiet. "You don't know everything."

"Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" John fired back without thinking; McKay seemed to shrink in front of him before looking up at John again.

"Yeah? Well, last time I checked, you were the one accepting Zelenka onto your team, and I didn't hear you or Ford or Teyla complaining about it at all!"

"You didn't give me a chance to!" John knew he was shouting, but he was past caring. "My team and I were making the best of a situation we had no control over!"

McKay smiled mirthlessly. "See?" he asked. "You're already referring to your team as an institution without me as a part of it. I'm sure you'll adapt just fine, Major. You don't need me."

"You're twisting what I just said!" John shot back. "I didn't mean that... I was referring to Teyla, Ford and myself. As in, the three of us _plus you!_ "

McKay hesitated before turning away, his shoulders sagging a little. "I've got things to do, Major," he said so quietly John almost didn't hear him. He did however notice that McKay was looking down at his arm again...

John wasn't an idiot. He knew full well he was being dismissed, and he also knew he hadn't gotten the answers he'd come here for in the first place. And the way things were looking with McKay, if John left now then he might not be allowed back.

"Goodnight, Major."

John sighed. "Goodnight, Rodney," he replied slowly.

A few seconds later McKay's door closed again, leaving John alone in the corridor.


	6. Five

After that night, which he still didn't fully understand, Rodney's days slowly started to melt into one another. He barely saw any of his former teammates, only catching the barest glimpses of them during repair operations in the gym and other designated training areas.

After two consecutive mornings of fumbling and stuttering his way through unfamiliar progress and team mission reports, Rodney had retreated from the arena of the briefing room, leaving that – like so much else – to Zelenka to handle. Doctor McKay's talents were of much more practical use in the laboratory, and after a week of being 'grounded' to base, Rodney had gotten more done than he would have in a month.

The worse thing was, though, that during the rare times he thought about it, nobody seemed to mind. Sheppard hadn't sought him out after the... that night. Not that Rodney was really expecting anything from Teyla or Ford – but still. It would have been nice.

Zelenka seemed to be coping with all the new pressures that came with basically doing Rodney's old job on top of his existing duties, and as a result had even less time for bickering and bantering with his boss than he had before.

And aside from Elizabeth and Carson – who were busy themselves doing their own things almost as much as Rodney himself, he didn't really know anyone else in Atlantis well enough to care that they were ignoring him.

Every so often he remembered to remind himself that he didn't care, but those moments were increasingly few and far between. Every two minutes, it seemed, somebody somewhere was damaging some ten thousand year old piece of equipment, or crashing twenty-first century hardware, or else doing something so inexplicably idiotic that Rodney was invariably called on to sort the problem out.

And in doing so time in, time out, he found that, for the first time in his life, he was glad to be surrounded by idiots, as work left him too busy to keep up the self-analysis thing for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer than that, and he might have started to actually get into – shudder – sentimental territory. He hadn't done that at the SGC, he sure as hell hadn't touched on it in Russia, so the hell was he going to start in the Pegasus Galaxy.

Case in point for the idiots, one Brendan Gaul. Despite Rodney's continued insistences to the contrary, he'd been tinkering with some of Atlantis' dormant systems for nearly a month now, labouring under the delusion that a single naquada generator could provide the same power quotient as a full ZPM. As a result, around twenty-six percent of Rodney's assignments revolved around the small lab Gaul had claimed as his own centre of operations.

And today just happened to be the third time in four days that some piece of equipment in Gaul's laboratory had 'malfunctioned'. Toolbox swinging from one hand, Rodney strode through the open door.

Almost immediately Gaul's head popped up from behind a console. "Doctor McKay! That was quick!"

"Well, what would you know but my schedule was magically empty this morning," Rodney grumped, dumping the toolkit on a table. "So what's the problem this time?"

Gaul pulled a face and pointed to the smoking remains of what looked like...

"You brought me here, away from who-knows-how-many useful assignments to fix your iPod?" Rodney demanded.

"That's actually a side-effect of the power supply to the long range sensors overloading," Gaul offered as Rodney made no effort to go over and pick the offending piece of broken technology up.

Rodney blinked at him. "We don't have long range sensors," he pointed out.

"Hence the overload," Gaul grinned. He reached out to Rodney. "Come here, I think I have something."

"Other than a monopoly on wasting my time?" Rodney muttered to himself.

Gaul ignored that comment, instead pointing to the monitor. "Just have a look at these readings. Please?"

He sounded like an overexcited kid, and reluctantly Rodney leaned in over the other scientist's shoulder.

"Do you see it?" Gaul asked excitedly. He pointed at a couple of the lines of adjacent scrolling Ancient and English language data.

Rodney squinted, trying to make sense of the different sets of numbers. "There's something there," he murmured. He squinted some more. "In our solar system..."

Gaul nodded quickly. "Something large – not a planet, it's not in that kind of orbit. Possibly geosynchronous to one of the outer planets, but its movements don't match that, either. See, there and there -" He jabbed at one set of Ancient equations, "- there's absolutely nothing in any of that to indicate natural movement."

Rodney twisted his head to stare directly at Gaul. "So it's unnatural movement."

"It looks that way," Gaul replied, "but I can't tell for certain – and won't be able to get a closer look at it without long range sensors functioning at at least ten percent capacity."

Pausing for a moment, Rodney glanced back at the figures on the screen. "That's not going to happen, given we're running on five naquada generators, but I might be able to give you five percent."

Gaul grinned widely. "That would be great!"

"I'll just – get right to it, shall I?" Rodney asked, only mildly acerbically.

Gaul turned back to the monitor, obviously already lost again in the numbers. "If you wouldn't mind..." he muttered.

Rodney scowled and pulled a scanner out of his toolbox. Settled himself in front of one of the open cavities in the wall behind the main computer console and got to work.

o o o o o

The next morning, Rodney was safely ensconced in the laboratory, working on some equations for the naquada generators, when Sheppard bounded through the open door, stopped in the middle of the room and looked around. Glancing up, Rodney scowled. "What do you want?" he asked. "I'm very busy, and I'm sure it's only a matter of minutes until someone in here breaks something. So whatever it is, it had better be import -"

"Actually, I was looking for Zelenka," Sheppard interrupting, barely sparing Rodney a second glance as he looked around the lab again. "Do you know where he is? I need him for a briefing with Doctor Weir..."

Rodney closed his mouth, feeling oddly hurt, but just as quickly brushing the feeling away. "Well, use your eyes," he snapped back. "He's obviously not here, is here?"

"Well, then," Sheppard drawled, turning back to face Rodney's work station again. "Where is he?"

Rodney stared up at him. "What am I, his keeper? Go find him yourself."

Sheppard shot Rodney an odd look. "Alright then, I will. Later, McKay," he threw back over his shoulder, already halfway out of the lab again.

Rodney watched the door close behind the major, and when he looked away, he caught Simpson staring at him. "What are you looking at?" he snapped.

Raising her eyebrows, Simpson pointedly returned to analysing the data she'd been given by Bates' team a couple of days before.

A few seconds later, feeling uneasy for reasons he didn't entirely understand, Rodney returned to his own work, but somehow his heart wasn't as in it as it had been before Sheppard's intrusion into the lab.

o o o o o

That same afternoon, Bates and his team returned from the planet they'd already secured a trade deal with, and Rodney received a radio call from Corporal MacKenzie to check out the targeting systems on the Puddlejumper they'd taken. It was the work of less than ten minutes to isolate and repair the offending circuitry. Shutting the Jumper's hatch behind him again, Rodney noticed for the first time that Jumper One was missing from its usual "parking space" directly opposite Jumper Three, Bates' ship of choice.

Still frowning, he left the Jumper bay, and took the staircase down to the control room, where Elizabeth and Grodin were watching the empty Stargate.

Rodney glanced at the 'gate as well. Just because. "So, is it just me, or is the Stargate especially pretty today?" he quipped.

Grodin shot him a withering look. "Major Sheppard has just left on a mission," he replied.

"Brendan Gaul discovered a satellite in the outer reaches of our solar system," Elizabeth added, turning to face Rodney. "The major's taken Doctors Zelenka and Gaul, as well as Joshua Abrams, to check it out."

Any reply Rodney might have had died on his tongue. He looked at the Stargate again. "Nobody said anything..." he said quietly, mostly to himself.

On the periphery of his vision, he caught Elizabeth giving him the strange look this time; Rodney decided to elaborate. "I fixed the power systems for Gaul to figure out what the anomaly past the seventh planet was..."

Elizabeth frowned. "Doctor Zelenka is obliged to fill you in on any major developments brought up in the briefing sessions," she said gently.

Rodney stared at her. "Well, he obviously forgot to this time around," he replied curtly. "I have to get going. Work to do, peons to correct."

"Okay," Elizabeth nodded, though she didn't look convinced.

Grabbing his toolkit – which was fast becoming a fifth limb – Rodney strode away from the control room without another look at the Stargate.


	7. Six

More than a day later, and Rodney was once again in the infirmary in the – supposedly – capable hands of Carson Beckett. The doctor had insisted he redress Rodney's bandages, and had actually used his own fear of cross-infection as a means of getting the task done.

Carson tutted loudly as he examined the bare healing skin of Rodney's arm. "Have ye actually washed this since I last checked it?"

Rodney scowled. "Yes, I do use that miracle device known to so many as a shower. It gets the dirt right off."

Carson sighed – also very loudly – but before he could say anything, Atlantis' klaxons erupted into sound, drowning out any reply he might have had – or just about any sound for that matter.

"What? What is it?" Rodney asked, starting to panic in spite of himself.

"Medical emergency," Carson growled, motioning to his medical staff and getting two beds ready at the same time. "You'd best stay out of the way for the moment, Rodney."

More than happy to do so, Rodney retreated to the very back of the infirmary, instinctively holding his bare arm close to his chest. Exactly three seconds later Teyla, Ford and two medical technicians burst into the room, pulling a gurney between the four of them.

Rodney stared as the entire medical team in the infirmary leaped into action, following Beckett's orders with a scary precision. A few more seconds, and the gaps between people's moving forms widened enough for Rodney to be able to see who the patient was.

He swallowed.

It was Sheppard.

Rodney started to move forward, but stopped when he saw a distraught looking Zelenka hurry in. It wasn't his team anymore, he told himself firmly. They could look after themselves.

_Sheppard looking like he'd gone three rounds with a Wraith and lost._

Not his team...

Rodney stayed where he was, against the wall, and watched, the worry inside him growing by the second. He saw Beckett bark out orders for however many kinds of drugs and methods of entry into the body, at the same time as Zelenka telling one of the other doctors about two bodies back in the Jumper.

Wait a second. Bodies? Rodney's eyes flickered over the moving crowd in the infirmary. Gaul and Abrams. They weren't there.

"What the hell happened?" he hissed to Zelenka, breaking his own vow of quasi-invisibility.

Zelenka stared back at him blankly. "There was a Wraith," he explained slowly. "It... fed. There was nothing we could do."

Mouth moving without anything coming out, Rodney glanced at Sheppard's unconscious – and blood covered – form before looking back at the Czech. "Well, it doesn't look like he tried to feed on the Major!"

Zelenka grimaced, closing his eyes briefly. "Major Sheppard tried to take the Wraith on by himself. He ordered me to stay behind with Gaul. Abrams was already dead, nothing could be done for him."

"So what happened to Brendan?" Rodney demanded. "If he was alive when the Major left, what the hell happened to him?"

"The Wraith fed on Gaul!" Zelenka hissed back. "Gaul was dying, that is why I was told to stay behind with him!"

Rodney gaped. "And let Sheppard take on a Wraith by himself? What, are you insane?"

Several of the medical staff threw dirty looks at Rodney, but there and then he couldn't have cared less.

"I was following orders!" Zelenka shot back.

Rodney pointed with his covered arm to where Sheppard was still being tended to by way too many doctors. "Then I hope you're happy with the outcome," he hissed. He stalked out of the infirmary. "I'll do the arm myself, Carson," he threw back over his shoulder.

"Aye," Carson replied absent-mindedly.

Rodney had almost made it to the door when he felt an arm on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw it was Ford. "Did you have to shout at Zelenka like that?" the Marine asked coldly. "Like the man said, he was following the Major's orders out there."

"And look where it got Sheppard," Rodney shot back.

Ford eyeballed him, making him squirm a little. "And you seriously think you would have done any different, McKay?" he asked coldly, and behind him, Rodney saw Teyla tilt her head in assent to Ford's question.

He hesitated for a second. "Well, we're never going to know that one, are we?" he shot back. With some effort, he shook Ford's hand off his shoulder. "Now, if you don't mind, I have work to be getting on with."

Ford shook his head. "Is that all you can think about, McKay?" he asked.

"It's all I'll let myself think about, Lieutenant," Rodney replied quietly. Then, to Teyla as well. "I hope the Major recovers."

And then he left.

o o o o o

It wasn't until much later that the details started coming into light. The mission had gone more-or-less as Zelenka had described it, and as a result, John Sheppard was still in the infirmary, heavily sedated with a severe onset concussion, a broken arm, and who knew how many bruised ribs and joints.

It had fallen to Rodney – as usual – to retrieve as much information from Jumper Four as possible. In addition to the standard equipment stocked on the jumper, there was also a significant amount of ammo and tech from Sheppard's ship onboard as well. Rodney had frowned at that, but knew instinctively that the only way he was going to get any more answers was to ask a member of the rescue team exactly what had happened out there.

Teyla was the candidate least likely to try and break his neck over a few questions, so Rodney decided to ask her about the mission. On the way to her quarters, however, he was stopped by voices coming from an empty laboratory.

After a few indiscriminate sentences, he heard his own name mentioned, and moved closer to the door.

He could hear Ford talking inside the room. "...He was bang out of line. I knew McKay had changed, just not this much."

Rodney frowned, slightly hurt at the lieutenant's comments.

"Perhaps he was unwell," another voice offered – Teyla.

"No," Ford replied. "He was nursing his arm like it was about to drop off or something. I can't believe he's still making a fuss about a stupid little injury."

Rodney flared up for a split second at the same time as Teyla replied: "Aiden, do you know the exact cause of the injury to Doctor McKay's arm?"

"Well... no..."

"Then perhaps it is unwise for you to refer to it as 'stupid' and 'little'," she replied serenely.

Rodney mentally whooped. Score one for the hot Athosian.

"Yeah." Ford sounded unconvinced. "But did you see the way he looked at the major back there? It was like he was barely even there, or something."

Rodney took a deep breath and opened the lab door, stepping inside the room. "Ah, good, I've found you. I need to ask you both some questions about what happened on the planet."

Ford openly glared at him. "And what makes you think we'd tell you anything, McKay?" he demanded.

Teyla placed an arm on the lieutenant's arm. "Aiden," she said warningly. She then looked at Rodney. "What purpose would these questions serve, Doctor?" she asked.

Rodney bristled. But only slightly. "Doctor Weir has charged me with assessing Jumper Four, and sadly enough that includes a complete inventory of what is and isn't onboard the ship."

Teyla nodded. "I see. What do you need to know?"

"What happened out there?" Rodney managed to keep the latent anger out of his voice – he hoped.

"Major Sheppard attempted to deal with a lone Wraith on his own," Teyla replied. "In doing so he used several rounds of his P-90, and also some... grenades and stunners," she added, looking briefly at Ford as she struggled with the alien terminology. "It appears as though the Wraith gained access to the major's Jumper, which I assume would explain some of the missing equipment and ammunition?"

Rodney nodded. "Yeah, it does."

There was a moment of awkward silence until Teyla spoke up again. "Is that all you wished to know, Doctor?" she asked.

Rodney started. "Yes, uh... yes, that's all. Thank you." He turned back towards the door, then turned back around. "How is Major Sheppard?" he blurted.

"Doc says he's stable, and will be fine in a few days," Ford replied curtly.

"Right," Rodney nodded. He knew a dismissal when he heard one – and he'd heard plenty in his time. One more awkward look at his two former team-mates, and Rodney left the lab, making sure to close the door behind him again.

He made it all the way back to the Jumper bay before sagging down against one of the walls. He still couldn't figure out why he was still feeling this way, and Rodney McKay, PhD, didn't like not knowing something like that one little bit.

It was his choice to leave the team, so they were none of his concern anymore.

It was his idea to have Zelenka replace him on said team... so why in the name of everything that was sacred and rooted in physics was Rodney feeling... feeling like he could have done something where Zelenka clearly hadn't?

But then again, like Rodney had told Ford only hours before, there was no way any of them were going to know if Doctor Rodney McKay would have had the guts to disobey an order and chase Sheppard and a Wraith, and possibly avert the outcome that they were faced with now?

Rodney sighed, and changed mental topics to the issue at hand.

He could question his own personal bravery – or lack of it – some other time.


	8. Seven

Six days later Major Sheppard was released from the infirmary, though still banned from duty. This Rodney knew only because that morning Zelenka had come into the lab after a briefing with the other department heads and somewhat bluntly informed his boss that Ford was no longer out for his head on a plaque.

Rodney wasn't entirely sure which was the more comforting thought – that Sheppard was alive and out of the infirmary, or that Ford wasn't going to hunt him down while he slept. In the end, he settled with the former; above anything else, it was idiotic to keep obsessing over relations with a junior Marine like an impressionable seven-year-old.

The question of Ford's vengeance notwithstanding, Rodney wasn't so emotionally dense that he couldn't pick up on the tensions in the main science laboratory the morning after the team's return from the Wraith's planet. Every time he looked up from work and reports, there was at least one scientist trying to hide the fact that they were staring at Rodney and Zelenka in equal measure. What Rodney couldn't figure out was the hidden meaning behind the looks.

Then again, who said he had to be the one to give a crap? Rodney may have given up the picnics in the alien woods, but back in Atlantis he was still the one in charge, and he made sure that it showed. Sure, so some of the scientists might have gone to Zelenka instead of him over the course of that morning, but Rodney was certain that was down to whoever was nearest to the monkeys and their wrenches at the time. Well... almost certain. But again with the not giving a crap. Delegation was truly a brilliant concept; McKay was getting more done in the space of a few hours than he would over a few full days of work.

But the sense of accomplishment wasn't the same, though, and neither was that weird, mushy feeling inside him he got whenever he showed one of the aforementioned monkeys how to correct where they'd gone wrong. He... oh, come on. How could he miss it when he never liked it in the first place?

o o o o o

Several levels further up in Atlantis, Elizabeth sat in her office with one of the last Earth-made cups of coffee in the city. She'd been going through the latest reports about the damage the storm had wrecked on the south-western sections of Atlantis, and it wasn't making for nice reading. The recommendations of the Marine scouting team had been to seal off the flooded levels altogether, and to somehow reroute controls and power away from there so the entire section wasn't put out of possible commission.

Rodney really wasn't going to like the latest addition to his to-do list.

Before she could call him, however, to tell him that the planned exploration of the de-flooded sections of the city was off for the time being, she caught movement from the corner of her eye.

A second later Grodin's head disappeared, and a couple of seconds after that, one of the scientists came down the walkway to her office.

"Doctor Weir?"

"Yes?" She stood up, motioning for her to come in. "Doctor... Dawson, right?"

"Yeah," the scientist replied, nervously. "Shania Dawson, ma'am."

"Okay Shania," Elizabeth pointed her to one of the chairs, "what can I do for you?"

Dawson shifted slightly in her seat. "I discovered a power signature earlier and after talking it over with Doctor Zelenka, he said to bring my proposal to you to get it signed off properly."

"Doctor Zelenka?" Elizabeth frowned. "Doctor McKay's the head of the science department, you should have seen him before bringing it to me."

Dawson blinked. "I, er... couldn't find him."

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow.

Almost on cue, Dawson's eyes grew wider.

"Okay," Elizabeth said, leaning forward, "what did you come to see me about?"

o o o o o

 _"Okay, we're leaving the living quarters now, moving onto the -"_

Rodney glanced up at the screen tracking the moving lifesigns. He moved back around to the main section of the control room with his laptop and what felt like half the city's self-appointed technicians floating around in the background. "Wait a second, what kind of living quarters? I'm looking for a -"

He was cut off by Sheppard staring up at him in disbelief; the major had been released from the infirmary the previous day on continued medical leave, even though he still hadn't fully recovered from the Wraith's assault. "What, are you trying to be a realtor?" Sheppard asked him.

Rodney hesitated, and in his ear he heard Zelenka's reply: _"Ro – Doctor McKay?"_

"Yes?"

_"As I was saying, we're moving away from the habitation area, and –"_

_"Hey, Zippy!"_ a voice – Ford's – interrupted. _"Come check this out!"_

Zippy? The man was being given nicknames now? Rodney resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and without realising it looked over to Sheppard, who simply cocked his head to one side. "I'll talk to him about the naming thing," he smirked.

Rodney started to smirk back before catching himself. "What's happening?"

 _"Lieutenant Ford has found what appears to be a laboratory,"_ Teyla's disembodied voice replied.

 _"More than just a lab! There's someone in here!"_ Ford interjected.

Everyone in the control room leapt into action, including Sheppard, who got as far as his feet before sitting down again, looking slightly faint. Rodney went back over to the Ancient display screen, and stabbed a few times at the laptop hooked up to it. A few seconds later the display changed to a schematic of the room Teyla, Zelenka and Ford were in.

"Hey – he's right," Rodney said, mostly to himself. He felt, rather than saw, someone lean in – unsteadily – over his shoulder. "Look." He showed the major what he meant. "There. It's a fourth lifesign – very, very faint, but it's there."

 _"So what do we do?"_ Ford asked.

Rodney hit his radio again. "Doctor Beckett, report to Doctor Zelenka's location immediately. Got a little job for you."

_"How urgent?"_

Rodney did roll his eyes this time. "I don't know yet, otherwise I would have told you. Grab your medkit and go."

Carson audibly sighed. _"On my way."_

The radio cut off, and Rodney turned around to see Sheppard moving slowly back towards his chair. "Any idea what that fourth lifesign is, McKay?" he threw back over his shoulder.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Major. My long range telepathy isn't working today," Rodney shot back without thinking. He caught Sheppard's eye for a moment, and they both started to smirk – almost like it had been before the storm – before they both caught themselves, almost at the same time. "Carson'll radio us when he gets there, Major," Rodney said stiffly, turning back to the display again and trying not to think about anything except the mystery starting to unfold in front of him.

o o o o o

"Be quiet everyone," Carson admonished, "she's waking up."

Radek glanced nervously between Weir and the figure lying on the bed. Any reaction Weir might have had to being told that her genetic double had been found in a stasis chamber had been quickly squashed and her face was now an unreadable mask as she stared intently at the elderly woman's face.

For his part Sheppard was sat on the next bed over where Carson had insisted he stay, craning his neck in an attempt to see what was happening. All the nurses had been shooed away a few minutes before, leaving only the senior staff to witness the woman's return to consciousness, with the exception of Rodney, who as far as Radek was aware was looking over the readings from the laboratory and double-checking there was nothing else untoward.

A sigh from the bed drew Radek's attention back to the here and now and he realised the woman was finally regaining consciousness. None of the readouts on the medical equipment meant anything to him, though he gathered from Carson's demeanour that nothing was seriously wrong.

Carson leaned in over his patient. "Hello love," he said gently.

"Carson..." the woman replied, the obvious recognition in her voice tinged with something else Radek couldn't identify.

"Er... yes," Carson replied, clearly bemused.

The woman looked around the ward, slowly taking everything in. Her face lit up when she saw Weir. "I've missed you all, so much..." she said, smiling, "John, Carson..." Her smile faltered, however, when she saw Radek. "Doctor Zelenka...?" she asked; Radek nodded. "...Where's Rodney...?"

Weir glanced at Sheppard briefly before turning back to the woman. "He's – not here at the moment," she replied, uncertainly.

The woman looked crestfallen for a moment before Sheppard spoke up. "He's really busy at the moment, I'm sure he can take some time out to see you later," he said in such a way Radek couldn't tell whether he was being sincere or not.

"So he's not...?" the woman trailed off.

Sheppard blinked. "What, dead? No! McKay's... he's fine."

The woman smiled. "Good," she said. "He worked so hard, gave everything to save us..."

Weir moved a little closer to the bed. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Rodney died, trying to save everyone... save us..." The woman's voice was becoming slurred, the words more difficult to make out.

Sheppard and Weir shifted uncomfortably, and Radek looked over at Carson. Nobody seemed to know what to say, until one of the monitors attached to the woman beeped softly.

She'd fallen asleep.


	9. Eight

"How can we be sure she's telling the truth?" Ford demanded. "I mean, McKay? Saving everyone else instead of himself – doesn't sound like him!"

"Well, according to this original Doctor Weir," Radek replied, trying not to grimace when he saw the 'present' Weir wince, "that is exactly what he did."

"Shouldn't be so quick to judge people, Lieutenant," Sheppard added, quietly but still pointedly. "McKay was the one who faced up against that fog thing a week into the expedition."

"With a shield," Ford replied, caustically.

"That he didn't know wouldn't last against something that fed on energy," Carson shot back.

"Please, gentlemen," Weir interrupted, holding a hand up, "colourful as this debate may be, it's doing nothing to help answer the question of how exactly this – 'original' Weir came to be in a stasis chamber in the heart of Atlantis."

Carson looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth," he said, "but she's not said much of anything coherent the few times she's been awake enough to talk. And my medical opinion would be not to introduce any kind of stimulant into her system – she's ten thousand years old, there's no telling what drugs would do to her."

Before Weir could reply, Rodney came into the briefing room from one of the far entrances – and quietly, not like his usual self at all, Radek noted – and even when he sat down, it was away from the others and with almost no verbal fanfare other than coughing slightly.

"Rodney," Weir smiled. "We were just talking about -"

"Yeah," Rodney interrupted, "the old lady, you in ten thousand years. Know all about it. I've finished analysing the readings and data from the laboratory she was found in, and surprisingly enough everything seems to back up the time travel theory."

"So, it's true, then?" Ford asked him, still in the same disbelieving tone as before.

Rodney blinked. "What's true?"

"Nothing that can't wait until the immediate matters have been dealt with," Weir interjected quickly. "Is there anything else, Rodney?"

"Uh, no. Not really," Rodney said. "All the details are in my report." There was a pause. "Alright then, if there's nothing else I'd… better go do something." He rose awkwardly from his seat and shuffled out the briefing room.

Sheppard glared at Ford for a moment before leaving himself.

Elizabeth blinked. "Dismissed."

o o o o o

Rodney watched apprehensively as Old Weir began to stir; looking around there were no handy medical personnel to take over, and he stopped and stared when he realised she was awake and looking at him.

"Hello, Rodney," she smiled.

Rodney blinked a couple of times. "Uh... hi," he replied lamely. He stepped closer to her bed. "You're... awake."

Old Weir smiled and nodded. "Wondering when I was going to see you," she told him.

"Really?" Rodney asked, and Old Weir nodded.

"Wanted to say thank you."

"Thank me? Thank me for what?" Rodney asked, frowning. "I haven't – done anything. Not since we found you anyway, I -" He stopped, faintly aware he was beginning to babble. Not good.

"Yes, you did," Old Weir told him. "The first time we came to Atlantis, the city began flooding. Some of us found these ships – Gateships – but we couldn't get out."

Rodney frowned again. "What do I have to do with that?"

"You stayed in the 'gate room, tried to open the doors to let us escape in the ships," Old Weir told him slowly. "Drowned trying to get us out of there."

Rodney shuddered remembering what had felt like before the failsafe had kicked in, when parts of the city were flooding and there was nothing he could to stop it. He shook the thoughts away. "I'm not the same Rodney – different timelines remember?"

Old Weir shook her head. "No, you're still the same person – you just don't know it yet."

Rodney thought back to Kolya, remembering the knife easing its way into his arm. "No. I'm really not."

Before Old Weir could reply Carson bustled into the room. He smiled broadly at both of them, then turned to the bed. "Elizabeth, seeing as you're awake would you like a tour of the city? We could get a wheelchair for you."

"That would be lovely," she replied. She glanced up at Rodney. "It was good to see you again, I've missed you." She smiled again. "Don't underestimate yourself, you're a good man."

"Uh, yes, well…I'd better, I mean, I uh…have some things to do," he said lamely before quickly leaving the infirmary, trying not to think about what Old Weir had told him. He wasn't the same person, he really wasn't. There was far too much evidence to the contrary.

o o o o o

Old Weir was dead. The one person in the place that had seemingly unshakeable faith in him. Typical. Rodney let out a quiet sigh and tried to peer over Zelenka's shoulder to see the piece of paper with 'gate addresses that the old woman had left behind. Of course it irked him that he was the one having to do the peering, after all he was head of science… even if he wasn't on the teams anymore some inclusion would have been nice.

Zelenka shifted a little to let Rodney get a closer look at the handwritten 'gate symbols. None of the addresses meant anything to him; they weren't places that had been visited by teams in the past, though one of them had shown up in the database, possibly scheduled for a mission in the near future.

"She claimed there was a ZPM at each address," Zelenka told him. "Doctor Weir has already scheduled a mission to visit the first address. It takes place tomorrow."

Rodney nodded briefly. "Right, I'll cover your work." He wasn't feeling jealous, nope, not in any way.

"I was going to take a closer look at the long range sensors," Zelenka informed him. "Pick up where Brendan left off…"

Rodney glanced at him. Resisted the urge to bitch about how he'd done most of the work anyway, Gaul decimating most of the technology in his path, but kept quiet. Gaul was dead, there was no point squabbling over who had done what now. "Then I guess I'll be getting right on that," he said snippily, wondering when exactly Zelenka had mutated into the department head and himself into the simpering minion.

Zelenka blinked and for a moment an expression of uncertainty passed across his face, before being replaced with something else. "Yes, thank you." He glanced at his watch and frowned. "I have a team meeting, I must go."

He hurried away, leaving Rodney staring after him and trying to ignore the suspiciously hollow feeling somewhere inside of him at the mention of the 'team meeting'. Before the feeling could take any real hold on him, however, he left the infirmary ward as well, heading in the opposite direction to Zelenka. He'd taken the 'gate addresses with him, meaning Rodney didn't have to think about all the missions to potential planets with ZPMs just waiting to be picked up by Atlantean field teams.

Not that there was any statistical chance of any of those ZPMs actually still being around after ten thousand years. The sheer logistics of a single module surviving intact and with power for even half that kind of time, let alone in one place? No, definitely not happening.

So then, why didn't that thought make him feel any better when he finally reached Laboratory One and grabbed Zelenka's laptop to hack into the files on the long range sensor array?

Damned if he could figure it out, or even would want to. Other fish to fry, or whatever the metaphor was.

o o o o o

The meeting concluded relatively quickly, and John hung back while Teyla, Ford and Zelenka left the briefing room. It was just an informal thing before the actual mission in the morning, so it had just been the four of them rather than Elizabeth sitting in as well, trying to oversee everything.

The moment everyone was out of sight, John left as well, slipping out onto the balcony behind the control room. Made sure he was alone out there, and mentally shut the door behind him before turning back out to stare at the ocean.

He knew he'd gotten lucky with the medical pass to go on the field mission after less than four days of being released from Beckett's domain. Though he felt alright in himself there was still something… off, something he couldn't quite put his finger on but it had been dogging him for a while now ever since the storm now he thought about it. A sense that something wasn't right, it seemed to get worse on missions leaving him perpetually uneasy every time he passed through the 'gate.

Hell, who was he kidding? He knew exactly what was wrong. Ever since the Genii had tried to take control of Atlantis, McKay had been acting like someone had left a virus on his favourite laptop. Almost like someone had scraped away the last redeemable part of his personality, and although John didn't want to follow that particular line of thought, he could still make an educated guess as to who that someone could have been. The only thing he really couldn't figure out – and wouldn't, as long as McKay continued to blank him – was not so much why the scientist had let whatever it was get to him the way it obviously had, but more why he hadn't shared this... whatever it was with Beckett, or even John. He still didn't know that he could call McKay a friend, but they'd been somewhere approaching that, until...

The storm again. Everything came back to the goddamn storm.

John leaned forward on the balcony railing. The sun was setting somewhere on the other side of the central tower, and he knew that there was no point in trying to track down, let alone talk to McKay tonight, lest he get a repeat of the previous rant on personal space and intrusions thereof. Then there was the mission to find a ZPM in the morning, and Sheppard would have made a crap military commander if he hadn't been harbouring doubts about that particular tangent, even if he hadn't brought any of them up during the official briefing with a clearly enthusiastic Doctor Weir. Besides he didn't think he could even explain some of his thoughts when he didn't fully understand them himself. There wasn't the same feeling of familiarity within the team anymore, Zelenka was pleasant enough but there were no moments of brilliance no eleventh hour plans that only McKay seemed able to come up with let alone pull off. The dynamic was off, everything seemed, well… samey. There was no excitement in what they did, it was just routine, even the unexpected just seemed routine a little faded around the edges like it had been done before and it was just a sub-standard remake.

No, something had to be done. John was going to track McKay down, pin him in a corner if he had to, but there would finally be some actual talking about what had been happening the past couple of months.

But it would have to wait till after the mission tomorrow.


	10. Nine

_"So yeah, we're making some progress, Alina and her people seem very helpful,"_ Sheppard's slightly distorted voice informed the control room. _"I'll radio you back in another hour, let you know if we're any closer to actually finding this thing."_

"Okay, Major," Elizabeth replied. "Take care of yourselves out there."

A couple of seconds later the Stargate disengaged, and over in his corner of the control room where nobody could see him, Rodney rolled his eyes. Was she actually trying to jinx Sheppard via the radio? Next thing everyone knew, the major would be dragging the rest of the team battered and bloody through the wormhole, ranting about angry spear-wielding natives, or someone with a delightfully primitive version of a Beretta, or –

He blinked. That was morbid. He looked back to the active screen in front of him. Numbers, figures and diagrams in two languages. Much safer fare, even if he still couldn't figure out a way to safely feed power to the long-range sensors from the naquada generators without something overloading and something else exploding.

He reached across for his tablet to start inputting some more variations for the power schemes when the entire console he'd been staring at flared to life, with one... particular... tracker... on the screen... being enough to –

"Weir! Doctor Weir, we have a Wraith dart inbound for the city!"

"What?" Elizabeth ran over to join him, everyone else in the control room either snapping to attention or else craning their necks around to McKay's console.

Rodney pointed to the screen. "That," he said, slowly this time, "is a Wraith dart, and it is headed for Atlantis."

"How far out?"

"Uh..." Rodney shook his head. "Maybe thirty minutes. Sensors didn't pick it up before – well, because there were no sensors. But it's practically right on top of us!"

Elizabeth was already back at the other end of the control room. "Sergeant," she told the Canadian on duty, "radio Bates, get him up here immediately."

"Yes, ma'am." The technician was already doing it.

"Rodney." Weir's attention was back on him now. "Name our best pilot."

Well, that was a stupid question. "Sheppard," he answered instantly. "But he's off-world."

"I know that, Rodney," she said tersely. "Who else is capable of flying a 'jumper?"

"In a straight line?" he asked, glancing between her and the readouts on the screen beside him. "Uh... not that many. Stackhouse has some kind of flu, I think. Markham's available, don't exactly know where he is though. Other than that there's Carson but he's so scared of the damn things it'll be a miracle if it gets off the ground, and, uh…"

"That just leaves you, Rodney," Elizabeth replied, "doesn't it?"

Rodney blanched. "Me? Up there? But straight lines! I can't, I mean, they aren't exactly my forte."

"They won't need to be, Doc," a new voice said from behind him.

It turned out to be Bates. "What's the situation, ma'am?" he asked Elizabeth.

"We have a single Wraith dart on a course for Atlantis," she informed him. "We could do with some eyes in the sky to figure out exactly what it's doing."

Bates nodded. "My recommendation would be at least two 'jumpers in the air, each with a co-pilot."

Weir nodded back. "I'm all for that."

Bates reached for his radio. "Bates to Markham, report to the 'jumper bay in two minutes." He turned back to Weir. "That's one pilot."

"And Rodney will be piloting the second 'jumper," Weir told him, seemingly ignorant of Rodney's look of protest in her direction.

"Very well, ma'am," Bates replied without hesitating or even glancing at Rodney. "I'll get Corporal Miller to ride shotgun with Markham." When Weir nodded her approval, Bates did one of those about-turn things and marched towards the staircase that led up to the 'jumper bay level, leaving Rodney trying not to squawk as Elizabeth approached him and gently pried the tablet from his hands.

"You'll be fine, Rodney," she assured him with a smile.

_Oh, I am so a dead man._

_o o o o o_

Ten minutes after signing off with Weir in Atlantis, John arrived back at the dig site set up by his team and Alina's people. Over on the far side from where he was, Zelenka and Alina herself were poring over the map they'd managed to produce from what had been left of the various historical records relating to the ZPM, while Ford and Teyla were the only ones actually digging; John smirked at that before grabbing a spade and jumping down into the shallow pit two sections over from Ford.

"All he's missing is a whip," he muttered. He stopped digging just in time to see Ford chuckle, and Teyla look mystified.

"I'm guessing we don't tell the Doc that?" Ford asked innocently, after he'd whispered something to Teyla.

John shook his head. "Not 'til we're done here, Lieutenant," he replied smartly, pointing at the half finished holes around them. "We've still two more to go."

Ford sighed, but started digging again.

"Major!" Teyla called as a dull thunk from her spade echoed round the dig site. "I believe I have found it."

John moved to her position as Zelenka dropped the map and hurried over. Teyla had dropped to her knees and was about to start scraping the dirt away when they reached her.

"Just like the other boxes," said Zelenka excitedly, leaning in to help, his fingers scrabbling in the dirt to free the box.

Alina had come up beside him. "That makes eight," she said, excited. "Is it in there?"

A few seconds later Zelenka pried the top of the box away to reveal the small grey embossed stone. "Just like the map said," he replied, just as excited.

Then, almost in sync with each other, they both turned to look at John. "Alright, good work Teyla," he said. Then: "Okay, where do we need to go next?"

Alina went back to pick up the map Zelenka had dropped, and studied it for a few seconds. "This way," she said, pointing into the nearest treeline.

"Ford, help Alina and Doctor Zelenka pack up," John ordered, already moving out to scout the direction he'd been pointed in. "Let's go get us a ZPM."

_o o o o o_

When Rodney got to the 'jumper bay, Bates was already there waiting for him. "About time you showed up, Doc," the sergeant informed him bluntly. "According to Control, the dart's only fifteen minutes out from our perimeter, and Markham's already up in the air."

"Well, good for him," Rodney retorted. He opened the hatch to the nearest Puddlejumper with his mind, slightly gratified at Bates' momentary look of surprise. He then sighed. "What, are you waiting for an invitation?"

Bates said nothing, but stalked into the Jumper and sat down in the co-pilot's chair and tapped his radio. "Bates to Weir."

_"Go ahead, Sergeant."_

"Have Doctor Beckett on standby to fly a third 'jumper if we need one."

 _"He won't like it, but acknowledged,"_ Weir replied.

Bates looked up as Rodney completed pre-flight checks in the rear compartment and moved forwards to take the pilot's chair. "You ready?" he asked impatiently.

"Yes," Rodney replied, not looking at him. "Just following procedures." He activated the controls and eased the 'jumper slowly out of the bay and up into the impending battle.

o o o o o

"Doctor Z, are you sure we're digging in the right place?" Ford whined, leaning on his shovel and wiping his sweaty brow. "It didn't take this long to find the other stones."

"All the other stones were exactly where the map said they would be," Zelenka replied, squinting at little at him. "There is no reason to assume this one is any different."

Stopping digging for a moment, John eyed Ford. "So keep digging, Lieutenant," he said, glancing at Teyla, who had also paused from her work when Ford had spoken up. "If the map says it's here then we'll find it eventually."

Ford looked like he wanted to complain about that, but instead he pulled the shovel out of the ground and started digging a couple of metres from where he'd been before.

For the next couple of minutes all that could be heard was the sound of three people hard at work, and two more people talking quietly. Until...

"Hey, hey!"

"What is it now, Lieutenant?" John asked.

Ford grinned. "I think I found it!"

Zelenka's head shot up at that, and he moved quickly across the dig site to where Ford was brushing away more earth. As he passed by John, he heard a quiet, "I think I could use a whip, Major."

John thought about this for a moment, then moved to join everyone else at Ford's section of the site. With the lieutenant's help, Zelenka finished uncovering a large engraved stone set in the ground, too large to be the container for the last piece they were looking for.

"It bears the mark of the Brotherhood," Alina said, pointing out the pattern in the centre, with Ancient text around it.

John nodded. "What does it say?" He raised an eyebrow. "Indiana."

Seemingly ignoring him, Zelenka squinted at the symbols. "It is a warning. That only the members of the Brotherhood may enter the chamber."

Alina nodded. "That matches what we have found in our archives," she told Zelenka.

"Chamber?" Ford asked.

John indicated the stone. "What say we try and lift that up, see what's underneath? Teyla, with me. The equipment we need's back at the monastery."

An hour later they'd returned to the dig site with the hauling equipment and Alina's assistant, whose name John could never quite get right, and lifted the cover stone up and aside to reveal what looked a lot like an underground chamber. Ford dropped a couple of glow sticks down the hole, which showed it to only be a few metres down.

"So," Zelenka said, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Who do we send down first?"

"I'll go," John answered, lifting his P-90 over his shoulder.

Ford nodded. "I'll keep watch on things up here, sir," he said.

It took almost ten minutes to get everyone safely into the chamber, and of course, that was when everything went to Hell.

"Major Sheppard, how nice to see you again."

John looked at Teyla, her look of recognition confirming his gut feeling. Behind her, Zelenka frowned. "Who is that?" he asked quietly.

Motioning to Zelenka to keep quiet, John looked back at Teyla.

"Kolya?" she called out.

A shadow cast over the entrance to the chamber; Acastus Kolya smiled down at John and the others. "Surprised to see me?"


	11. Ten

John glared up at the smirking man above him. "What have you done with Ford?"

"I assure you Major, the Lieutenant has not been harmed," Kolya's lips twitched into a smirk. "Much. I'm sure he'll wake up soon." Kolya peered down at him. "Tell me Major, by any chance is Doctor McKay down there with you?"

Zelenka started to move forward, but John cut him off. "No. McKay's not on active field duty at the moment," he allowed.

"Such a shame," Kolya said. "And yet my sources tell me you still have a scientist on your team."

Zelenka stepped forwards, into Kolya's line of sight. He swallowed nervously and looked up. "I am Doctor Zelenka."

Kolya smiled slightly. "Tell me, Major. Are all of Earth's scientists as irascible as Doctor McKay, or am I going to be pleasantly surprised by your new colleague?"

"Earth?" John heard Alina whisper, but he ignored her.

"Though I must admit," Kolya continued, not waiting for an answer, "I find myself intrigued. Doctor Zelenka, have you any experience holding out against a knife?"

Mystified, Zelenka looked over at John. Even Teyla was frowning.

"Tell you what," John told Kolya, "let us up and I'll tell you."

Kolya regarded him for a moment. "No you won't," he replied easily. "But it is no matter. My people and I have learned enough from Doctor McKay that we know that to know good information is to test it first hand."

"And what do you mean by that?" John asked.

"What I mean," Kolya replied, "is that you and your team are going to drop all of your weapons where I can see them, and then you are going to come out of that chamber one at a time."

John didn't hesitate. "And then what?"

"And then we are going to get know each other a little better," Kolya informed him. "And afterward, you are going to find the ZPM, and the Genii are going to take it."

"But you could have no use for it!" Zelenka spluttered. "It was designed to work with Atlantis' systems!"

Kolya stared down at him. "Then we will once again follow Doctor McKay's edicts, and take the ZPM back to our world, and my scientists will make certain of that fact. It is your choice, Major," he said, switching back to addressing John. "You can either drop your weapons and come up here, or we will throw you down your lieutenant and replace the cover stone."

"Fine, we'll do this on your terms," John replied calmly. Then to Teyla and Zelenka: "Guns on the floor, now."

Silently, they complied.

o o o o o

The Puddlejumper jerked in midair as it headed back on another circuit around the perimeter of the city. Bates glared at Rodney, his hands tensing on the seat. "You sure you know how to fly this thing?"

"Shut up! No backseat drivers in the 'jumper!" Rodney snapped. "Have you seen the dart yet or are you too busy making stupid comments?"

He could hear Bates grinding his teeth together in frustration. Good. It was only right that both of them should be suffering here. "No sign of the dart."

They completed another circuit before finally. "I see it!" Bates exclaimed. "Hard left!"

Rodney complied pulling the 'jumper in fast towards the city as Bates relayed the information to Markham in the other 'jumper.

"Hurry, we can't let it reach the city."

Rodney spared a cursory glance to his right. "Oh right, there's me thinking we were inviting it to tea, silly me."

"Shut up and follow the damn dart, McKay!"

"Following the dart," McKay muttered. From underneath him, another 'jumper appeared onscreen, moving out to Rodney's left until they were flying in formation, the dart a hundred metres or so ahead of them.

"Does this thing fly any faster?" Bates grated.

"If it did, we'd be going faster," Rodney shot back.

A few seconds later the dart reached the end of the north-east pier, swerving around it, and moving in out and out of some of the lower towers.

Bates hit his radio. "Markham, Miller, stay on his tail."

_"Yessir."_

"What about us?" Rodney asked.

Bates looked at him. "Stay above the dart, and try and get us a clean shot."

"In the middle of the city?" Rodney demanded. "Are you crazy?"

"We only take the shot if it's necessary, McKay," Bates ground out. "Get into position."

"Already there," Rodney replied, wholly focused now on trying not to crash into anything, while keeping the dart in sight. A small part of him remembered Sheppard trying to teach him the controls flying from Atlantis to the mainland and back, and he briefly wondered what the major would think if he could see him now. Then, just as quickly, he quashed the thought.

The dart exited the main city and took a sharp turn, but in the smaller, more manoeuvrable 'jumper, they were able to take the corner with greater ease. Almost too late Rodney realised this had put them directly in front of the dart heading back in towards the city.

"Not good," Rodney muttered under his breath. A red warning flashed up on sensors.

"They're firing!"

"I know!" Even as Rodney dragged against the controls forcing the little craft to move he knew it was too late. The shot clipped the back of the 'jumper and it bucked and jerked under his control. "We've lost the left drive pod, engines are failing!" He saw the ground fast approaching, trying desperately to steer it away from some of the larger spires. Out the corner of his eye he saw what looked like a culling beam come from the dart. Knowledge of his failure flooded his system.

And the world went dark.

o o o o o

A gun pointed at his head, John stood with his hands clasped behind his neck as first Zelenka, then Alina and her assistant and finally Teyla were winched up from the underground chamber. Off to his right, Ford was still on the ground from whatever the Genii had done to subdue him, but John had already taken note of the subtle movements that told him Ford was conscious.

Kolya had Teyla put her hands behind her neck and stand next to John while one of the henchmen herded Zelenka and the two Daganians off to one side, with just one weapon aimed at the three of them.

"So you've got us up here," John said.

"I have," Kolya acknowledged, "and it appears we have you at a distinct tactical disadvantage." He looked back at Zelenka, already edging to put himself between the gun and Alina and her assistant. "Tell me, Major, did Doctor McKay ever recover from his terrible ordeal during the storm?"

His voice dripped sarcasm, and John bit back the instinct to action. "I'm surprised you care so much," he replied after a couple of seconds.

"True. It seems unlikely that Doctor McKay would engender that kind of reaction in anybody he worked with," Kolya told him. "But I did want to know whether or not I broke him when I cut him with the knife."

John schooled his facial expression into indifference as he processed this information. "You want to know the results of your... handiwork."

Kolya inclined his head. "As would any good artist."

As they'd been talking, John had been watching from the corner of his eye as Ford's left hand had inched closer and closer to his belt, where John was fairly sure the Marine had stashed a couple of flash bangs from his kit back in the monastery. When he saw Ford's fingers close around one of them, John nodded slightly, turned slightly on the spot, showing Ford the back of his neck, and slid his right thumb and pinky finger underneath the others, marking a count of three. On his other side, John saw that none of this had been lost on Teyla, and she tensed very slightly.

"I'll be sure to tell McKay that's how you see it," John told Kolya, hiding another finger. Two.

Kolya smirked.

"Well, since you're the one with the tactical advantage here," John continued, mirroring Kolya's words from before, pulling back another finger – one – "it would only be fair to tell you that you probably played some role in McKay's removal from my team."

Kolya turned to face John head on. "He left, or he was removed?" he asked.

John didn't reply; instead he hid the last finger. Before Kolya could take another step, Ford had whirled into action behind them, taking down one of the Genii with a scissor kick, and throwing the flash bang into the centre of things.

At the same instant John and Teyla ducked and covered their eyes and ears. A split second later the bang went off, and through the smoke, John saw Ford disarm another of the Genii. Teyla had taken a knife from – somewhere – and thrown it with scary accuracy at the Genii aiming at Zelenka and the women. John meanwhile took the gun from the first Genii Ford had taken down, and quickly found Kolya in the mêlée, stunned and disoriented by the bang.

Moving slowly, John pressed the barrel of the gun against Kolya's head, and the commander stilled as he realised what was happening.

"Tactical advantage, huh?" John asked him. "How's that working out for you?"

As the smoke cleared, the scene became clearer to the two of them; Teyla had taken one of the Genii's guns, and given a smaller, pistol-like one to Zelenka, while Ford was checking his own handiwork, making sure that none of the fallen Genii were going to move anytime soon.

"The smart thing to do would be to kill me, Major," Kolya said softly.

John released what looked like the safety on the gun. It clicked loudly. "Yeah, it would," he acknowledged. He then pulled the gun away from Kolya's head. "I'm going to want points for this in the future."

Kolya turned to face him, but John cut him off before he could say anything.

"But I'm not stupid enough to just let you go. Now what's going to happen is that you're going to help Lieutenant Ford relocate your men to the chamber we uncovered, and then you're going to join them. We'll send one of the villagers to let you out again in a few hours or so. But if you ever try anything like this again, I will kill you."

o o o o o

Rodney stirred, and groaned as pain shot through his body. Forcing his eyes open he took in what little he could see from his position slumped over the flight controls. He could just make out Bates, leant to one side, a nasty looking head wound gently oozing blood down the side of his face.

"Bates," he tried, coughing a little. "Sergeant, wake up."

Getting no response Rodney realised his next plan of action should involve actual movement. He pushed himself upright and waited till the room stopped spinning and his body stopped voicing its complaints before gingerly raising one arm to test his radio. He didn't get very far before something in his side pulled and he dropped his arm back down. Curling his other arm round his midsection he tried again, only for the useless piece of plastic to come away in his fingers. There was no use trying the 'jumper's comm. systems, even in the half light he could tell that everything was fried from the crash.

There was a manual override for the hatch in the rear compartment, but that would mean actually getting up and moving to find the handle. Plus knowing his luck that would end up being near the floor, and even if he did manage to stand up he wasn't entirely sure he wouldn't just face plant if he tried leaning forwards.

But Bates looked in even worse shape than he felt and someone had to do something. This time, it had to be him.

Peering through the cracked windscreen Rodney couldn't tell exactly where they had come down, there was no way of knowing how close to the actual populated areas of the city they had fallen, but judging from their position before they started to nosedive Rodney didn't think they were all that close.

A signal then, he decided, groaning softly as he twitched involuntarily, just in case they hadn't already been detected by any search and rescue teams Elizabeth might have sent out.

He shot a smug glare at Bates. "You are so lucky it's me you crashed with." He informed the unconscious Marine. "I have a cunning plan." He turned awkwardly and painfully in his seat, the rear compartment seemed a million miles away. "Of course it would be luckier if we hadn't crashed – which totally wasn't my fault by the way – in the first place, but that's neither here nor there really. Except the main compartment is way over there, you keep yourself comfortable, I'll be right over there." He began the slow and agonising process of standing up. "And no, don't feel obligated to try and distract me from my agony. I'm only saving your life."

The task of standing up successfully completed Rodney moved towards the rear compartment, pausing after ever step to let out a manly whimper. He didn't know how much time had passed before he found himself stood under the release for the 'jumper systems panel, but it felt like he'd aged several years, and maybe lost a couple of major organs in an agonising ball of ow.

Curling his arms protectively around his midsection Rodney gazed up at the panel above him. "Meredith Rodney McKay," he muttered, "come on. You can do this."

Trying not to squeal in an entirely unmanly manner he forced himself to reach up, his breaths coming in hurried gasps at the sudden extra spike of agonising pain. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and wait for Carson and the good drugs. But a swift glance at Bates told him he had no choice, he had to keep going. He couldn't fail again.

o o o o o

Walking from the monastery to the Stargate, John finally risked a glance at Alina. "I'm sorry we couldn't help you find the ZPM," he told her.

"But you know, perhaps we could return another time, better equipped, and perhaps be more successful," Zelenka suggested from just behind them.

Alina stopped in the middle of the dirt track, and turned back to look at Zelenka before switching her attention to John. "Perhaps it would be better if the Potentia remained hidden, until the true Ancestors return to claim it once again."

Somehow John didn't think Kolya's mention of Earth had passed her by. "Perhaps you're right," he replied with a smile. "Then again, we do have very solid links with the Ancients."

"We found their city – Atlantis – using directions left on our planet," Zelenka added. "We ourselves are not Ancients, per se, but we do believe we are in some way descended from the last of them to come to our world."

Alina smiled. "I do not dispute that, Radek. But to give you the Potentia, even if we were able to decipher the scripts left by the Brotherhood, would go against everything they, and we as their descendants, have worked for."

"We understand," John interrupted, before Zelenka could come up with another argument. "And believe me when I say we could have really put it to good use."

"But we do not wish to cause incident with your people," Teyla explained. "And I believe that what Major Sheppard means to say is that perhaps it is best that the Potentia remains hidden, where it cannot be used by any human for their own purposes."

"That is exactly right," John said brightly, nodding. "And we really have to get back to Atlantis. People are going to start to worry about us," he added, smirking slightly.

Alina nodded. "I will also see it to it that Kolya and his men are released in good course," she replied.

"In good course," John echoed. Then: "Ford, Zelenka, go ahead and dial Atlantis."

"Yessir," Ford replied. "Come on, Zippy."

"We are going to have to talk about your naming skills," Zelenka complained, but continued on up the dirt track with Ford nevertheless.

"Major Sheppard," Alina said, "I really do wish you well in your struggle against the Wraith. For too long, too many of us have been unable to stand up to them."

"Well, we plan on being different," John replied, "even if it means we'll have to look elsewhere for a ZPM."

Alina tensed, and before either she or John could say anything else, Teyla stepped in. "We should be taking our leave now," she told Alina, who simply nodded.

Teyla nudged John with her borrowed gun. "Major."

John knew a cue when he saw one, and he and Teyla began walking along the track to the Stargate.

"There are four other destinations on the paper the elder Doctor Weir gave you, correct?" Teyla asked. She didn't wait for an answer. "Perhaps we will have more luck at one of the other locations."

"Yeah..." John said as they reached the active Stargate.

"We have to hurry," Zelenka said from the DHD, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Doctor Weir sounded impatient."

John motioned for the others to go through the 'gate; on the other side there was a loud klaxon blaring, and fully armed Marines skirting the corridors leading off from the 'gate room.

"Elizabeth!" he called out.

"Major!" Weir came running down the stairs. "Where have you been?"

"I -" John motioned back at the now empty Stargate, but before he or any of the others could say anything, Weir had pointed back up to the control room.

"We have a situation."


	12. Eleven

"A Wraith attacked the city?"

"We think it was just a scout," said Weir. "When it first appeared on sensors we sent out two 'jumpers to intercept. It shot down McKay and Bates' 'jumper before self-destructing. Markham and Miller in the second 'jumper are on aerial surveillance, to try and find out what exactly the Wraith was doing up there before it exploded. There are two search and teams in the area, but so far we've been unable to locate Rodney's 'jumper; it came down in a part of the city still damaged from the original flooding of the storm."

"Doctor Weir!"

They all turned to stare at Chuck who was jabbing at his screen excitedly. "I'm picking up a signal from the area the 'jumper went down."

"Relay that information to the search and rescue teams," Sheppard ordered, leaning in to look at the information on the screen. He straightened and looked back at his team. "Don't bother getting changed, we're going after McKay."

o o o o o

Well, it had taken far too long and probably cost him full arm movement for the rest of his life, but Rodney had managed to get the 'jumper's backup power relays online. Enough to send a signal to Atlantis' main internal sensors, anyway. Pretty little beacon, blinking on their screens.

Rodney blinked. He felt dangerously light-headed, possibly a combination of blood loss, shock and head trauma, who knew? He staggered over to the bench, moved some debris out of the way with a pathetically weak hand and sank down onto the seat, groaning out loud when his guts rearranged themselves.

One quick look told him Bates was still unconscious, and a look in the other direction told him that the 'jumper's rear hatch was still closed. The manual override to open it was either partly embedded in the floor, or there was a secondary one somewhere in the ceiling – either way Rodney didn't fancy his chances after his efforts with the power relays. And if he remembered correctly, outside of the 'jumper bay, it was almost impossible to open the hatch from the outside.

It was the override or nothing.

"Eeny, meeny, miney... moe?" Rodney's voice sounded ragged and high-pitched, even to his own ears. "I really hope you appreciate everything I'm doing for you, Sergeant," he added, just for effect.

Using the arm that wasn't holding his guts together, Rodney manoeuvred himself into a standing position, and moved slowly around the debris and scattered equipment to the very back of the Puddlejumper. Once there he put out a hand to steady himself and tried to find the two locations for the override mechanisms without moving his head.

The floor switch was easy enough, and since getting closer to the ground meant there was less space in which to fall, Rodney elected to use that one.

A couple of torturous minutes later, he was sat on the floor, awkwardly positioned around the debris and other things that had fallen off walls and ceiling. The hatch's override was right in front of him, a small lever just protruding out of the corner where the hatch and the floor met.

Rodney tugged on it.

Nothing.

Quashing the voice that told him he was gonna die in here, Rodney stared at the lever. Wrapping his hand more firmly around the handle, he tried again.

It moved about an inch.

Better than nothing, even if Rodney's entire arm now felt like it was going to fall off at any given moment. Using the handle itself as leverage, Rodney got himself into a kneeling position, crouched over the handle, and tried pulling it again, up towards him.

Finally! Finally it released in one quick movement, a very satisfying creak telling Rodney that the 'jumper hatch should be going up any second now.

Down, even. Damn, his head hurt.

Except that it didn't. Rodney craned his neck, and saw that the hatch had come down by maybe six or twelve inches, nowhere near enough for anyone to get in or out.

But he could hear noises now – ones that weren't being made by him or his guts, or any other part of him, for that matter.

"LT! They're over here!"

"Get the rest of that hatch open, Sergeant!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Arnand to Major Sheppard. Sir, we've found the crashed 'jumper."

"I'm reading two life signs. Where's that medical team?"

Still crouching over the hatch release, Rodney could only stare as in slow and jerky movements, the hatch started to move the rest of the way down. He realised there were four hands pulling the thing, and he barely had time to comprehend this when he was suddenly swamped by people.

"Doctor McKay, where are you injured?"

"Where's Sergeant Bates?"

"Did you see what the Wraith dart was doing before it self-destructed?"

And then one voice that cut over the rest, one Rodney didn't think he would have ever heard again. "Out of the way everyone, give the man some space!"

Rodney blinked. "Major?"

Sheppard knelt down next to him. "Yeah," he said, sounding out of breath. "Jeez, McKay. I leave you alone for twelve hours and you crash a Puddlejumper."

"It wasn't my fault!" Rodney squawked. "We were fired – oh God. Bates. Bates is back there. He's unconscious. Bleeding, I mean, really bleeding."

"Aye, and so are you," another voice said.

"Carson?" Rodney asked, feeling stupid.

Carson moved around Sheppard to get to Rodney. "Aye." He turned behind him. "Someone get me a gurney and an IV drip!"

"Yes, Doctor!" someone replied.

"Come on, McKay," Sheppard coaxed, working with Carson to get Rodney to his feet. "We got you."

Rodney couldn't help himself. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," Sheppard replied.

"Oh, that's good."

He blacked out.

o o o o o

John stood in the doorway to Weir's office; she looked up and gestured for him to sit. "How are they?"

"Carson's got them in surgery, he says they should be okay," he said moving to slouch in the offered chair.

"Good," Weir replied, clearly relieved, "How did the search for the ZPM go?"

"We didn't find it, but we did run into an old friend," John flashed a disarming smile. "Hey, when were you gonna tell me that Kolya knifed McKay?"

Weir blinked, clasping her hands together on the desk. "I assumed you already knew."

"What kind of dumbass excuse is that?" he demanded. "When a member of my team gets tortured I think I have a right to know!"

"Rodney clearly had his reasons for keeping quiet." She gave him a hard stare. "Didn't you wonder where the cut came from in the first place?"

"I, uh," John sagged down in the chair. "I figured he just cut himself on something, he wasn't making a big deal about it and if anything is wrong he usually bitches about it till his very last breath." He glared at her. "You should have told me."

"You could have asked," she replied simply.

"I should have known," John admitted quietly.

"There was so much to do following the storm," said Weir gently. "No one had any time to think about anything." She smiled ruefully. "And Rodney doesn't always help matters."

"I want him back on my team."

Weir leant back in her chair, unclasping her hands. "That," she replied, "is Rodney's decision." She gave him a searching look. "And what about Radek?"

"I'll work something out," John promised, already running through the possibilities in his mind.

o o o o o

Teyla looked up as John entered the infirmary. "Doctor Beckett says Rodney will be out of surgery in another hour," she told him.

"And Bates?"

"Longer than that," Ford spoke up, looking despondent. "Doc said he had massive internal bleeding, worse than McKay's. Even with all the Ancient equipment, it's still gonna take a while to fix."

"The Puddlejumper is salvageable, however," Zelenka added. "I already have teams working on getting it back to the 'jumper bay for repairs."

"Yeah." John rubbed the back of his neck. "Speaking of which..."

The three of them looked at him expectantly.

"Zelenka, can I talk to you in private for a moment?" John asked, indicating Beckett's office.

"Of course," Zelenka replied. He looked slightly puzzled, but followed John into the office anyway. Once the door closed, John turned around to face the scientist, suddenly at a loss for words.

"It is about McKay, isn't it?" Zelenka prompted.

"I... yeah," John admitted sheepishly. When he's out of surgery, and wakes up, and... you know... I... want to ask him to rejoin the team."

"Okay," Zelenka said.

"Okay?" John repeated. "That's it?"

Zelenka smirked. "Clearly you do not know Rodney very well. I had sneaking suspicion this would only be for the short term, but it turned out to be longer than I thought. I do not mind returning to purely lab-based work again, although..." he trailed off.

John figured he knew where this was going. "I'll talk to Stackhouse and some of the others, see if there's an opening for you somewhere."

"I – that would be wonderful," Zelenka replied, beaming.

"No promises," John warned. "We can't have both you and McKay off-world at the same time."

"Yes, Kavanagh would have the time of his life trying to stage some sort of coup," Zelenka agreed, but he was still grinning. "We mustn't have that."

"No," John replied. "So... you're cool with this?"

Zelenka regarded him for a moment, and pushed his glasses up his nose. "You are cool, Major. I, on the other hand, am fine."

"Okay," John said. "Okay."

"I think we should tell Teyla and Lieutenant Ford now," Zelenka said, calmly now. Then, almost inexplicably he brightened up. "Does this mean no more insipid nicknames?"

John snorted, and opened the door for Zelenka to leave the office first.


	13. Epilogue

"You can go in and see him if you'd like." Carson smiled tiredly at Sheppard's team. "He should be waking up now."

"I'll go," said John quickly, as he glanced across at Teyla and Ford.

Ford gave him an almost guilty look. "Tell him I didn't mean any of it," he said, shuffling awkwardly, "about him not being... well you know."

"You can tell him yourself when you go in and see him, Lieutenant," John told him. He stood up, wincing as some bruised muscle in his leg pulled and followed Carson through the infirmary to where Rodney's bed was.

The man himself was already awake, blinking stupidly at them. "Major?" he asked sounding incredulous.

"The one and only," John flashed him a smile and pulled a chair over to sit on. "How're you feeling?"

"Like a Wraith shot down my 'jumper." Rodney stared at him tiredly.

"You know you're supposed to avoid the shots, not fly right into them," John teased him, leaning back in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

Rodney sighed. "Much as I want to argue how totally wrong you are, what are you doing here, Major?"

Okay, time to bite the bullet. John leaned forward. "I came to check on my team mate."

"I'm not on your team, Major."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not! Resigned, remember?"

"Well, Zelenka decided to leave; he couldn't handle Ford calling him 'Zippy' all the time," John smirked. "I got a spot open for a scientist." He gave Rodney a sideways look. "Think it's something you'd be interested in?"

Rodney stared at him. "You don't need someone like me on your team."

"Oh, you mean a brilliant astrophysicist who can double as a combat pilot when the situation calls for it?" John leant back again, one arm dangling over the back of the chair. "I know what happened with Kolya. You should have said something."

"You didn't ask!" Rodney shot back, rubbing his arm uncertainly.

Feeling a weird sense of déjà vu, John held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, I dropped the ball on this one. I'm sorry." He sighed. "Kinda galling to hear it from Kolya what happened in my own damn city!"

Rodney blinked. "You met up with Kolya? I assume you got out alright – what did he want?"

"The ZPM," John shrugged. "No one got it though. Didn't find it before him and his goons showed up, they spilled the beans on Earth and Alina wouldn't keep looking for the ZPM. She said it needed to be kept hidden till the true Ancestors returned."

Rodney visibly bristled. "True Ancestors? I'll give her true Ancestors! Does she have any idea what we're doing here? Did you even explain about the whole being their descendants thing?"

"I didn't really have time for chitchat between being captured by Kolya and coming back to Atlantis." John gave him a searching look and paused to collect his thoughts. "You know... if you were assigned to one of the off-world teams again you could go back and talk to her." Or beat her down with snark and logic till she was begging to give them the ZPM, either worked.

"Yeah," Rodney said, "I could, couldn't I?" He glanced at John and gave a theatrical sigh. "Mind you, Kavanagh has been on the waiting list for a team for a while now, it really wouldn't be fair to deny him yet again."

John's eyes widened. "What? No... I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. Elizabeth could handle his assignment." He cleared his throat. "So, you back in or what?"

"Well clearly no one else is capable of keeping you out of trouble," said Rodney after a pause. "I mean since I've been lab based you've been attacked by a super-Wraith, got Ford and Zelenka covered in pink tree sap, had a run in with Kolya and successfully lost a ZPM to a woman who believes the 'Ancestors' will reward them for keeping it."

"Says the man recovering from being in a 'jumper crash," John snorted.

"My injuries are a result of defending the city – what was your excuse?"

John rolled his eyes and the two men fell silent.

"I can't promise I won't tell 'em what they want to know if it happens again." Rodney stared down at the small scar on his arm.

"You did your best," John replied. "And we've still got the city. Besides, it's not like you were trained for it, no one could've expected you to hold out against that kind of thing."

Rodney squinted at him. "More your forte?"

"Something like that," John shrugged and stared at him. "Just so we're clear, you are back on the team?"

"Yeah," said Rodney quietly, and he smiled ruefully. "Looks like we're back to square one."

John shrugged. "Least we're on a square."

o o o o o

Aiden sidled into the infirmary and, after a hesitant nod from Doctor Beckett, shuffled across to where McKay was laying. McKay looked up as he approached and for a second Aiden thought he saw something pass across the older man's face, but it was gone as quickly as it flashed up.

"Hey, Doctor McKay," he said stiffly, focusing his gaze on the mattress.

"Lieutenant," McKay replied curtly. There was a pause and then he sighed. "Look, sit down. You're looming and it's unnerving."

Aiden nodded his thanks and took the seat left abandoned beside McKay's bed. He inhaled deeply and stared at McKay. "I'm sorry," he said resisting the urge to fiddle with something. "I didn't know –"

"No, you didn't know," McKay cut in sharply, pushing himself up against his pillows. "And you judged me anyway." He paused and grimaced. "I guess it's only to be expected from a dumb grunt." There was a teasing look in his eyes for a moment before it faded again and he sobered. "I was on your team, Ford... yeah, I guess I'm not the easiest of people to get along with, but I deserved better than the treatment you gave me."

Aiden could feel his cheeks grow warm with embarrassment. "Yeah, I know that. I'm really sorry, McKay – but you know..." He paused feeling a sudden flare of anger. "You quit on us and you didn't even have the decency to tell to our faces. You just left and stuck us with someone else and then you were wandering round looking all grumpy and cradling your arm. It pissed me off, McKay!"

McKay blinked. "Wow," he said dryly, "that was one hell of an apology."

Aiden bit back a retort and sighed. "I'm sorry for what I said."

"Yes, well..." McKay shuffled awkwardly. "I'm...I should have told you all face to face, it just seemed so..." He gestured vaguely. Inexplicably he brightened. "Still, my thing's way smaller than your thing – you owe me, Ford!" He leaned forward with a wince and whispered conspiratorially: "Get my laptop past the voodoo witch doctor over there and consider it debt paid..." He grinned. "For now."

Aiden glanced back at Beckett for a moment, considering his options. Face the possibility of the Doctor's wrath or face McKay bitching and whining. He looked back at the pale, injured man lying in the bed beside him and nodded. "Alright, but if I get caught," he grinned, "I'm taking you down with me."

McKay rolled his eyes and flapped his hands at him. "Go, fetch! The faster I get it the faster I can sort of whatever mistakes the minions have been making in my absence."

Aiden nodded and rose to his feet. He stared down at McKay. "You okay, Doc? Really okay?"

McKay gave him an oddly inscrutable look, then finally shrugged and flapped his hands at him. "I'd be better if I had my laptop."

Aiden smiled. He had almost reached the door when McKay called out to him "Don't think this gets you off the hook completely, Ford! There's months of grovelling ahead 'til I'm satisfied!" Chuckling to himself Aiden left the infirmary and walked straight into Sheppard and Teyla. "Sorry, sir, Teyla." Then he noticed the object held guiltily in Sheppard's hands. "That Doctor McKay's laptop, sir?" he whispered, checking behind him to ensure no one was around.

"We thought it would keep him occupied," said Teyla keeping her voice low. She gave Aiden a knowing smile.

Sheppard gave him a suspicious look. "McKay ask you to get this?"

Aiden nodded and pulled a face when Sheppard chuckled and said, "Oh he's got you for life now, Ford." He handed over the laptop and the three of them stood staring at each other in silence.

Sheppard grinned and cleared his throat. "It might be easier to get this to him with all of us working together." He glanced towards the infirmary doors.

Unfortunately their good intentions when straight down the pan as Sheppard suddenly sidestepped causing Teyla to abruptly adjust her position accidentally knocking Aiden which lead to him almost going face first into the chest of one of the nurses. Unsurprisingly, Beckett came out of his office to see what the source of all the commotion was, and upon seeing the laptop clutched in Aiden's shaking hands confiscated it immediately and shoved them all towards McKay's bed with dire warnings should it ever happen again.

McKay stared at them in disbelief. "I don't believe it! There's three of you and you still failed to get it past Carson! Three! I've never seen such a shoddy display of stealth in my life!" He started to laugh. "Although watching Ford trip over and almost faceplant into that nurse's chest was a moment I shall treasure for the rest of my days. Good thinking on keeping hold of the laptop by the way, they say those things are shockproof but who knows what being chucked against ancient flooring will do to them? I'm sure you could maybe steal it back from his office later?" He looked at them all hopefully.

Teyla smiled and inclined her head. "Perhaps it is best for you to rest until Doctor Beckett believes you are ready to work." She looked so innocent it would be hard to believe she had even had thoughts of laptop smuggling if it weren't for the fact Sheppard was rolling his eyes and mouthing 'her idea' at Aiden.

Scowling McKay turned away from her and staring across at Aiden, he visibly brightened. "Ford! You can get it back later, seeing as you totally messed up getting it to me in the first I figure I'm being generous at giving you another chance to earn my forgiveness."

"McKay! Do you have any idea of the size of the needles Beckett threatened us with?" Sheppard asked leaping to Ford's defence. "We need him in one piece and not whimpering. You'll just have to wait."

McKay sighed. "I wouldn't have to ask if you hadn't all failed so atrociously. I mean come on! All that experience and you still managed to get yourself caught! And I'm trusting my life to you people."

"Rodney," said Teyla her voice gently chiding.

"Fine," McKay grumped.

"Hey I got an idea," said Sheppard grinning. "Why don't we keep you entertained for a bit?"

"I got a pack of cards," Aiden volunteered, pulling an extremely dog eared pack of cards from his pocket.

McKay stared at him incredulously. "You carry a pack of cards in your pocket?"

"You never know when you might need 'em," said Aiden defensively, pulling across another chair.

"Fine," said McKay, rolling his eyes. "What game?" He still seemed a little distrustful, Aiden noticed, staring at them all as if he expected them to disappear – kinda like he had in the beginning, only then he didn't know them well enough to trust them.

"What do you want to play?" Sheppard asked diplomatically, throwing himself down in the nearest chair to McKay and putting his feet up on McKay's bed.

"Not poker," said McKay emphatically, staring at Sheppard's feet in annoyance.

Sheppard smirked. "I can't help the fact you've got the worst poker face I've ever seen."

"I do not!" McKay spluttered.

Aiden started absently shuffling the cards as Teyla sat down, perching herself gracefully on the very end of McKay's bed. Something in McKay's expression shifted and he seemed to relax. "I really am sorry," he blurted out.

They all stared at him. McKay raised his eyebrows. "Okay, I heard you the first time. Continually apologies don't get you out of doing my bidding though, so if that's your game you can forget it."

Aiden smiled embarrassed. "Wouldn't dream of it."

o o o o o

 _Four days later..._

Rodney stood in front of the Stargate, staring at it with a certain sense of apprehension. Sheppard gently bumped his shoulder.

"You ready?"

Rodney swallowed and nodded. Teyla and Ford took up their positions beside them and a small part of Rodney's mind noted with relief and satisfaction at once more being nestled in the middle of them all, where he used to be.

"Good luck," Elizabeth called out to them.

Rodney and Sheppard groaned simultaneously.

"Is she trying to kill us?" Rodney muttered darkly.

"Talk about tempting fate," Sheppard agreed.

"Are you two ready?" Teyla asked a hint of impatience in her voice.

"Yep, lets get this show on the road."

And together they stepped through the 'gate.


End file.
